My grandparents were Church of God, Anderson Indiana. I add the last because it’s not that one- the cult one called The World Church of God or something like that. My mother is Church of God too. Up until WW II the church was a pacifist group and actually still are, except when it comes to wars like WW II. Sins were vulgar language, taking the Lord’s name in vain, violating the Commandments… the list goes on and on. Even sex was a sin. Basically what sounds good turned out to be one of enabling an incestual man who abused both his child and wife, until they had to help get us out of that situation, then it became God’s will to get us out, but not put him in prison because God would deal with him.
OK that’s the short story, but I do remember when I was maybe seven years looking at the picture of Jesus behind the pulpit and pondering the features of the painting. It was then I realized who was pictured wasn’t Jesus at all, given the location of the story. The man in the picture had blue eyes and blondish brown hair, with a fair complexion. Hardly a man who was a Jew born in Israel which is near Africa. Very strange that anyone would call that picture “Jesus”, much less “Jesus of Nazareth”. I remember then starting to imagine what the man might have looked like given the location. I pictured a man with an olive to dark complexion, not quite black, but definitely not white, with dark curly hair and his nose fit for a desert dweller. Much like an Arabian or an Iranian.
I remember once I had a copy of The Humanist, by the AHA, because there was an article with Gene Roddenberry. I was fascinated by the magazine and as I was reading it, learning about humanism and more about Gene’s view, my mother walked into my room unannounced and yanked the humanist information out of my hand as she roared, “This is not Christian!”. I never saw it again until years later. One of the wonderful things about growing up and still being a very inquisitive person- you research anything you want and make decisions for yourself.
Of course there were more things I questioned, but if there was ever a Jesus of Nazareth, he was nothing like what many people portray him as. I also went to college after my divorce to study Psychology, with some sociology, Hearing Impairments (minor), English writing, and Religion (minor), with some philosophy and mythology. Needless to say, all this fed my love of knowledge and inquisitiveness.
At 19 I became an Episcopalian, because they were liberal enough I could stand it and not worried my mother and grandparents would give the guilt trip for not attending church. That said, as liberal as they maybe, they informally excommunicated a 13 year old boy (my younger son) due to his behaviours associated with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified) and ADHD. With all my questioning and research, this was the beginning of the end for both my sons and me. They went first, then I left shortly there after, especially after I found my fit in Humanism and Spiritual Naturalism.
I don’t think I was ever a Xian, except by the insistence and fear of my own family if I said I wasn’t. Of course, my mother knows I’m not a Xian now, but she chooses to forget that I’m not. I still remember my grandfather and his brother, who was a medic in WWII- the one who decided who they could save and who they couldn’t after a battle. After that, his brother was an atheist, even admitted it, as well as a school teacher. He and my grandfather often got into long scary arguments about the existence of God. Once my great uncle got up and left because it became, in my child-like thinking, “scary”. As he left my grandfather’s home, he looked at me with a sad look- from my child perspective, then he left. Of course, I’m sure I looked like a very scared little girl to this retired school teacher and rightfully so given the tone of voice from each of them.
All that said, my grandfather was the assistant minister and my grandmother the organist. I was their only grandchild so they often showed me off in church, making sure I memorized Bible verses, etc etc. I was probably as well versed if not more versed about the Bible than any other PC. It was so bad, that my older son wanted chapter and verse concerning sodomy, that he asked while I was still sleeping. He said that even in my 1/2 awake state I gave him chapter and verse correctly. I’ve never been proud of that, but maybe I was a quasi-Xian before becoming a humanist and trust me, my humanism was and probably still is, very fluid, but without belief. Still, my views of Xians are anything from possibly violent, even if a pacifist to destructive, to willful ignorance to delusional to infected with a virus as Darrel Ray, calls it. Historically, Xians have been just as violent and destructive as Muslims/Islamist have been, especially the extremists. They are also very imposing and forcefully demanding of their views, often using scare tactics to force people to believe. Not a good side of human behaviour.