Scariest Night of my Life

hey guys I wanted to share with you the scariest and most disturbing night of my entire life dealing with a demon Inside of a haunted church. Me and a friend of mine did a paranormal Investigation and we had to endure the scariest and most disturbing night of our lives dealing with a demon Inside of this haunted church. We even caught the demon on video.

Demonic Activity in a Haunted Church

I once ran over myself with a tractor. Not related, I know, but it was pretty scary. First time I ever drove, on a tractor, on gravel, down hill. Swerved back and forth until my friend and I were thrown off. He looked up and saw it tipping over on him (it didn’t). I looked up and saw the back tire bounce, barely touch my hip (ripping my pants a little) and land on the other side of me before going off into the ditch. To this date I’m the only person I have ever known or heard of stupid enough to have run over themselves. I almost died. Almost got cut in half. I liked those pants. Good thing they were already brown.

I’m amazed I’m in one piece after 1,000 miles on my four wheeler. I jump off it while it’s moving and I stick my leg out as if I can balance all that weight. I’ve come close to be thrown off, but not yet.

Oh my god, for some reason that reminded me of the funniest “friend getting hurt” story of my entire life. I think it was the “jump off while it’s moving” thing. My friends and I used to do some seriously stupid shit. We used to jump out of moving cars. Whoever jumped out at the fastest speed and could still walk one. One of us, maybe me, maybe someone whose name I no longer remember, accidentally did a “Rambo roll” when they tripped at about 20. After that we quit. But that isn’t even the story.

My dad loved old crap. Old cars, old houses, the more run down the better. I’ve lived in 3 houses with outhouses for bathrooms, one of them twice, and I’m not even 50. He bought this old van with no lining on the roof, just bare metal. We had this old car seat laying around and some clothes line wire and on of us (I get motion sick, so definitely not me) got the idea of using the clothes line to hang the seat from the ceiling and then drive really crazy. We all took turns riding in it. My turn was essentially my butt hitting the seat, my feet lifted off the ground, there was a little movement and I was done.

The last friend to try it was a portly fellow and he was eyeballing our contraption suspiciously. He gingerly sat down and proclaimed, “I don’t care if this thing snaps as long as it doesn’t hit me in the eye”. I swear to you, not 5 minutes down the road we heard a snap followed by “My eye!” Funniest shit ever.

Kevin, Something Widdershins said gave me an idea. If you ever go back to that haunted church, be sure to wear brwon pants.

brown pants

My wife tried to do our taxes once when we were first married. That was pretty scary. We were getting tens of thousands of dollars back, according to her math. We got someone qualified to do them for us. And yes, they were wrong. Very, very wrong.