Yo π, hope you’re doing well. I’m in from my last walk with Maddy, dark skies and all that. I keep thinking back on your “clinically depressed” remark, which really caught me by surprise. Although, didn’t take long to figure out where it was coming from. It’s made for lots of musing about the difference between “clinical” depressions and plain old justified human depression.
Seems to me clinical depression is for the candles in the wind, never knowing who to cling to and so on. The lost souls without a foundation under them. I was fortunate, my upbringing provided a solid foundation of love. I’ve always chosen to strive for the bright side even though my writing doesn’t necessarily reflect it, my life certainly does. I managed to wind up in and stay in rural Colorado in ‘79, past 9 years perfectly happy in a 600 sq ft cabin on 40 acres, with wife, and a dog that follows me around, and family, including young grandson. It includes friends and neighbors at a healthy distance and community and all that too, but I have space around me, bigger and better than a city park. Not bad for a kid slatted to become a factory slave back in Chicago.
65 having survived and lived an exciting experience rich life. I knew this country during the ‘70 and ’80 before exponential growth really turned things ugly. I’ve learned as much about life and this earth and evolution’s eternity and the thing we call god as anyone I know and keep adding to it. I’ve wanted to be a better me, but I’ve never wanted to be anyone else.
I appreciate we have many layers of personality and fears and impulses interwoven - ever watch yourself and notice how you act a little differently with different people and situations. Your environment draws out reaction, like a cuddle fish, but different 
Or have you ever noticed some of your worst qualities are intimately linked to your best qualities - and visa verse.
Long way of saying sure I can get tremendously depressed and were my own environment the nightmare so many are being forced to endure, all bets would be off. After a wonderful blessing rich life, death is better than hopeless misery. But I’m a lucky one.
My writing is outrageously depressing for me; that I’ve never connected with likeminded, no quality encouragement or support. Not to mention all the stuff that eats up time, but that’s “more” important and kills potential projects and keep others on ice for too long.
But, life is a dance, doing the best with what you have, successes, failure and in between - then we regroup and do it again, only we’re older. I’m a dreamer, but my body is pragmatic and keeps me in line. I rather jettison obsolete beliefs and hopes, than go crazy.
We all have painful episodes in our lives and the trick is how to honor those moments in your life, without letting 'em eat you up. Feel the pain now and then, but be able to wrap it up and stuck that one back into it’s little cubby hole in your heart.
Live the depression, knowing you’ll come back out of it. If the rage builds, vent appropriately, let is out and be done, let it go. Don’t take the great moments for granted, they won’t last and for gosh sake don’t take yourself too seriously. Hang on loosely and all that.
And tomorrow it’s off to Phoenix area and another ten days with my little pal. See there too, I’d really rather just stay where I am, but than again, spending time with the little fella and helping be a part of introducing him to the world, come on that’s not something to turn one’s back on either. That’s why some say it’s better just to let it be, simply be present in this moment.
After all, you know what they say, no matter where you go, there you are!