Why I would rather believe in the afterlife

I don’t care about the truth. The only truth I care about is what is relevant to me and gives my life meaning. That being, knowledge (truth) gained about composing and music theory since I wish to be a composer. The truth that there is no afterlife makes my life empty and meaningless and, thus, is not relevant to me and is not how I find meaning in my life which is why I don’t care about such truth. It is for this very reason that I am trying to find every way I can to have a belief in the eternal blissful afterlife. I’m not sure this is possible though. But I will try all I can, nonetheless.
I am going to talk about materialism which is the idea that there is no afterlife of eternal bliss as a reward for people who go through much suffering in this life. Unlike some materialists, I find no meaning whatsoever being a materialist. I think an afterlife of eternal bliss is absolutely neccessary.
The misfortune of this life renders our greatest dreams and pursuits into nothing more than pipe dreams. For example, if a very talented singer has some great or even genius singing talent that he/she wanted to pursue and share with the world, but he/she got into some tragic accident that permanently took his/her singing voice away, then he/she would no longer get to pursue his/her genius talent anymore.
His/her life would now be rendered into lesser pursuits. Pursuits that he/she is not as talented in. As a matter of fact, they might be pursuits that he/she never wanted to pursue and finds them to be completely bland, empty, meaningless, and nothing compared to his/her singing career.
There are many talented people in this world who never get to pursue their great talents and share them with the world due to something such as a tragic accident or a fatal illness that ends their lives shortly. They never get the chance and are then bound to forever remain dead in the end with no afterlife for them to live on in and express their talents in.
How is that meaningful? To me, with no afterlife, then this very life is nothing more than some fool’s errand in which our very acts, lives, and goals/dreams solely lie on the hands of fate. When we find profound meaning in our lives and pursue a certain goal/dream in our lives that has such profound meaning to us, then it is only because we were lucky enough to stay alive since no illness or form of major suffering in our lives has crippled or killed us off yet. But if our lives are unfortunate and we then have much suffering in our lives that ends our lives shortly, then it is all nothing more than a simple matter of “too bad so sad.” To me, that is an utterly meaningless life regardless of how much you make the best of it anyway.
For us as human beings and our lives to solely lie on this wretched hands of fate and for us to die with no afterlife, especially those who are very innocent people, then I don’t care who you are and what you did with your life. You, in my eyes, are all nothing more than an inferior species. I don’t even see you as a human being. I see you all as nothing more than pieces of meat that are all just bound to rot and decay away. Having no suffering in your life and living on forever in eternal bliss is the one and only thing that makes your life great and is the one and only source of joy, happiness, and good meaning one can have in his/her life. Nothing else.
But we are all nothing more than just this random and quite unfortunate product of nature. It is a physical form that is prone to suffering, disease, illness, and eternal death. We are not products of our own making. In other words, we are not a product of transcendence and immortality in which we can live how we want and live for all eternity with no suffering in our lives to hold us down and dictate our fate in this life.
Instead of treating ourselves like high class elite immortal beings who can live and pursue their goals, talents, and dreams all they want, we instead have to treat ourselves for what we are. That being, we are all nothing. We cannot rule over this life and live by our own rules. This life instead has the advantage over us. It is a life ruled by fortune and not by any righteous grand cause. Innocent people will go through much suffering and evil people will have it all handed to them in life.
If an innocent person goes through much suffering and dies while an evil person lives on in bliss, then it is a matter of:
“Haha! I was fortunate enough to live on for something great in my life and I had it all handed to me while you were the unlucky one! How sad for you!”
This very quote is the grand meaninglessness of this life. It is, by far, the most outrageous, rage-provoking, and absurd thing. It really gets to you and really enrages you to do something about it. It really makes you wish there were an afterlife to give innocent people the lives they deserve and evil people the lives they deserve. Most materialists would say to innocent suffering people:
“I know that this life is quite unfortunate and that there is no afterlife for any of us. But it is all about making the best of it anyway and finding good meaning in our lives anyway.”
This quote shows ignorance of the person’s suffering. It’s like you are not even in this person’s shoes to truly understand the depths of his/her suffering. I feel that all the immense suffering and desire of innocent suffering people to want to live a blissful afterlife is all being masked by the sheer insulting ignorance of this quote. Do you even realize just how many people are suicidal who think their lives are worthless and meaningless due to all their suffering?
So for you to still bring that quote up front would be the most insulting and ignorant thing you could do on your part. I don’t care if the afterlife really doesn’t exist. I really think people need to have the hope and comfort in it anyway. Especially those types of suffering people I’ve mentioned. For you to call that selfish and cowardly would be the stigma we all see today against depressed and suffering people.
So with all of this being said, you can see why I find materialism to be nothing great at all. I wish I never became a materialist and I wish I had the belief in the afterlife regardless if that said life exists or not. I have a great composing talent that I have yet to pursue and express to the world and now, I feel that it is all nothing more than a game of Russian roulette in which I am just taking my chances here and hope that some fatal illness doesn’t come into my life and kill me off before I get the chance to share my great autistic composing talent to the world. This life is nothing more than some foolish game to stay alive. Nothing more than a fool’s errand. There’s nothing here for us. It is a life we were all better off not living in the first place.

I don't care about the truth. .
Nothing matters much after that. We can't have a discussion if you don't care about facts. You might want to find a nice religious forum where they have people claiming that the afterlife is real.

So because you’re experiencing a degree of existential angst (and quite probably depression) you’re going to spend your life trying to knowingly deceive yourself into believing in an afterlife because it makes you happy? Whatever. It’s your life, hombre. Do Pascal proud.

Mozart, Your self awareness of choosing to seek some emotional respite within self-delusion, over intellectual integrity, is rather unique, I think. Most people make such a choice without such self awareness. But it must be particularly difficult to delude oneself, while still being aware. As DM said, “It’s your life…”. So if you pull it off, best wishes. (Please just don’t evangelize your personal choice to others, as I think that our world is ultimately better off with more people who have intellectual integrity.)

Mozart, Your self awareness of choosing to seek some emotional respite within self-delusion, over intellectual integrity, is rather unique, I think. Most people make such a choice without such self awareness. But it must be particularly difficult to delude oneself, while still being aware. As DM said, "It's your life...". So if you pull it off, best wishes. (Please just don't evangelize your personal choice to others, as I think that our world is ultimately better off with more people who have intellectual integrity.)
What makes Mozart unique to me is his persistence. He has been at this for years. I went through a brief phase of this as I de-converted and honestly, I still dream of owning a classic car and driving up and down the main drag of a small town, drinking Budweiser. But I don't think people do that anymore, or at least they make it a lot harder, especially for an old guy. Anyway, it sucks, once you learn how the world really works, you can't escape that. But really, doesn't everyone do that? Isn't Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days" and "Those Were the Days" made famous as the theme to "All in the Family" both expressing a wish for a simpler life where existential issues aren't even talked about? As Jill Sobule sings, "When they say they want their America back, what the F do they mean?" Most people say it without thinking about what they mean. MozartLink knows exactly what he wants. He could blame Obama and the liberals for taking God out of the schools, but he knows that's wrong, so he blames the entire intellectual progress of the last 500 years, and we represent that to him. He doesn't tell us much about what he reads or listens to, so I don't know if there is an intellectual solution to his problem. I hope he works through the anger, but it's going to take more than a internet forum to do that.