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Do you think I would have any chance to get into the state schools if I explain to them very well?No.
But I'm not sure how I can talk to them. What if the admissions think I'm just a jerk who let her best friend suicide? What if they think I'm just an irresponsible person? I'm taking a year off and going to the study abroad next year, so 2.8-2.9 will be my final grade. I'm having a conversation this week with one of the advisors from the school that I want to transfer to, and I'm not sure I should tell them all these stories. But I want to be really honest, since I highly want to transfer to there. What should I do?Seems that you need to process what has happen to you… much healing for you… think you would learn little at school now. First you need to wrestle with who betrayed whom… You are not at fault for your friend wanting to leave this world!!! My deepest sympathy to you and I wish you the best on your difficult life's journey.
Definitely talk to your advisor about this. Your university probably has counseling services available and you need help overcoming this trauma. We cannot overemphasize what CC said. This is not your fault. Please do not try getting over this by yourself.
As both said, it is not your fault. Suicide is usually caused by a combination of depression and anger, and one function of it is to punish the people around them. She may have been your best friend, but I’d guess that she had some negative feelings about you, quite likely that you were already much more successful than she was. This may have partly been her way of bringing you down to her level, and from your own feelings of depression now, it seems that she succeeded.
It appears that she had carefully planned this so that you would be the one who found her, thus maximizing the effect on you. You may have known her for a long time, and you thought of her as your best friend, but she apparently didn’t see you as a friend, but possibly a competitor.
This is the kind of thing that’s very difficult to work through by yourself. As both said, you need to use the help that’s available. Keep us up to date on how things are going for you.
Occam
Hi, I wasn't sure where I should write this down, or where to talk to, so I'm writing at here. I would appreciate if any of you sees this and help on my situation. I am currently a sophomore, and I witnessed a suicide when I was freshmen. I went back to my home country for the winter break during freshmen year. My best friend, whom I used to be friends with since we were born, and I were hanging out at her place. She asked me if I could go out and run some errands for her while she handles her stuffs, and I said yes. So I went to the post office, and then I went to the grocery store and got everything she told me to get, and took out our lunch. I got back home, and I walked in to the house, and I said "hey!look what I got!", but she said nothing. So I thought she was taking a nap, and I walked into her room, and there she was, hanging herself on the ceiling. My neighbor called 911, but it was too late. Ever since then, she would just keep coming into my dreams, and I would see hallucinations. I also couldn't stop thinking about that scene of her hanging there, with her eyes blank and long-deferred tongue. I couldn't take showers by myself, I didn't want to meet anyone else, and I felt like I was the one who made her to kill herself. What if i didn't go run errands for her? What if I asked her to go with me? After that happened, I just escaped to US and stayed in school. This wasn't a good choice at all. I started acting weird, so my college friends asked me what was wrong with me, but I couldn't just tell them "I saw my lifetime best friend suicide and I'm the one who let that happen". I just kept my mouth shut and tried really hard to forget what I saw. I started to stay alone. It didn't really work well, and I bombed my gpa for that quarter. Later, I got diagnosed with hyperthyroid and retrograde amnesia in spring. I started to take medicines, but that didn't make me get out of my trauma. Summer came, and I went back to my home country. I had to move because everywhere I look at, there were just bunch of memories of me and my best friend. So I moved to the other town, and I started to work so that I could focus on that thing. I spent whole summer working from 6 in the morning till 9 in the night and sleeping with sleeping pills. I got back to school for sophomore year, and I tried really hard to work on my gpa, because I did really bad for freshmen year. My gpa per quarter since sophomore year has been dramatically going up compared to freshmen year, but my cumulative gpa is still around 2.8. I am trying to transfer to other state universities, and honestly, I am not sure there's any state university that would let me in. I'm currently attending at top 15 state school, but I just want to move so badly. My best friend visited me at the first quarter of my freshmen year, and we did a lot of things together at here, and it just kills me whenever that scene pops up in my head wherever I go in this city. I don't know why it keeps popping up even though it's been almost a year and a half. I had great grades when I was in high school . I graduated with 4.5 gpa out of 4.0, and I also won some national math and sciences medals when I was in my home country. Do you think I would have any chance to get into the state schools if I explain to them very well? But I'm not sure how I can talk to them. What if the admissions think I'm just a jerk who let her best friend suicide? What if they think I'm just an irresponsible person? I'm taking a year off and going to the study abroad next year, so 2.8-2.9 will be my final grade. I'm having a conversation this week with one of the advisors from the school that I want to transfer to, and I'm not sure I should tell them all these stories. But I want to be really honest, since I highly want to transfer to there. What should I do?I can't emphasize this enough... you need PTSS (post traumatic shock syndrome) treatment. You need to seek out a counselor who handles this and start the treatment process. This is something I have experienced (the symptoms, not your experience with suicide) and it can manifest itself in many ways that usually get worse not better over time. Please at least see someone for a diagnosis. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Get well soon. Lee
Thank you everyone for your comments.
Thank you everyone for your comments. However, I'm not sure where to go to get the treatment or talk to advisor. I don't think I can just walk into the advising office and tell them that it happened. and I'm not sure how to start the conversation about it.Unless you can get to a private therapist, a school counselor may be your only option. Ask to speak privately to a counselor. When you see him or her just say you've had a traumatic personal experience and need to talk to someone about it. Counselors and advisors are trained for such things and will ask appropriate questions. They've probably had to deal with similar situations and worse. If you are uncomfortable with the counselor ask if he or she can refer you to someone. There is probably a psychologist at the school. Ask to speak to him or her. You don't have to tell everything all at once. Just say you've lost a friend to suicide and you are having a hard time with it and need to speak to someone. If you don't receive the help you need you should ask your parents or a trusted relative or your family physician to arrange for some therapy. Don't ignore it. Lois
Thank you everyone for your comments. However, I'm not sure where to go to get the treatment or talk to advisor. I don't think I can just walk into the advising office and tell them that it happened. and I'm not sure how to start the conversation about it.Unless you can get to a private therapist, a school counselor may be your only option. Ask to speak privately to a counselor. When you see him or her just say you've had a traumatic personal experience and need to talk to someone about it. Counselors and advisors are trained for such things and will ask appropriate questions. They've probably had to deal with similar situations and worse. If you are uncomfortable with the counselor ask if he or she can refer you to someone. There is probably a psychologist at the school. Ask to speak to him or her. You don't have to tell everything all at once. Just say you've lost a friend to suicide and you are having a hard time with it and need to speak to someone. If you don't receive the help you need you should ask your parents or a trusted relative or your family physician to arrange for some therapy. Don't ignore it. Lois Lois is exactly right. Seek help and don't ignore these warning signals that your mind is just not processing these emotions effectively. Also, there are mental health clinics all over the USA and they have the ability to help you, with little compensation if you don't have the funds, for the therapy. Your college will also have crisis councilors as well as a variety of HOTLINE numbers to call for help. Look around the Student Union building usually these kind of posters are up all over. Please be proactive in your well being and I'm so glad you reached out to us. Let us know how you're doing. Lee
Only one thing to add to all of the above, most of which I’d like to underline and repeat.
You reached out to us… you found people that genuinely care, though we don’t know you personally.
Only by reaching out (and yes with some caution and restraint) will you find support and help in processing all you’ve gone through.