Kobe Bryant_August 23, 1978/ January 26, 2020

I almost posted this under Humanism, but talked myself out of it.

 

It’s interesting had we been back in Colorado in our lil cabin the death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter, a couple other girls and parents and their foolish pilot would have been just another sad too early death of some basketball superstar.

However, I’m in the big city with little B and his other grandma is native LA, current Lakers’ season’s ticket holder and has been one for something like 20 or 30 years now, for her it’s been profoundly personal. Fortunately, she was in LA close to the places and people she needed to be near for something like that and the aftermath. The healing from that emotionally, spiritually devastating.

ESPN is the default here so the previous night we watched the big game he was at the evening before his death. Thus still front an center and I’ve been immersed in it. Reflecting on all i’ve heard, it’s the same old sad story.

Reminds me way too much of John F.K. Jr., Princes D. The nice super rich off themselves by thinking the rules don’t apply.

Viscous storm, so what, wedding to get to, party with your driver and race the traffic, no problem, Fog comes and goes. A Basketball game, show up late for the tournament - never, God is on my side.

It really is sad when I think of all I’ve heard about Kobe the success, husband, dad, great friend to people and community. What a waste. I heard him called middle ages, that’s a real knee-slapper for some of us old geezers. So much has stopped in its tracks. No second chances. {And me I’m busy watching a little one learning how to use his legs and arms, with huge eyes and ears (and mouth trying to) taking in everything and then to do with it what he can.}

For me it also seems sort of indicative of the entire collective communal failure of the Left and Liberal thinking people, these past decades. Too busy enjoying the party to appreciate the precious irreplaceable moment, and the huge wagers we were playing for. Or the forces that wished to crush us (and our biosphere). Too little respect for either past or future.

and still most simply don’t seem to get it or care. Maybe that’s why the tears seem to flow more freely for me with ever passing year.

I don’t care about Kobe, but his suddenly being gone, brings my grief to the fore, of suddenly and unexpectedly losing my best friend last year. He was not much older than Kobe.

Kobe, was obviously a most extraordinary basketball player. By all accounts he was a good father and member of the community. Except for having raped a young woman some years back. Hey, but who is perfect? We all will end up dead like Kobe, at some point. The bell tolls for us all, eventually.

I feel for your loss.

Back in '91 lost a good friend, he was actually my age within a few days. Rich man, poor man thing, along with pounding a ton of T-posts and pulling and stringing thousands of feet worth of barbed wire, I was turning into a bit of caretaker for his 640 acre Colorado “get away” and future retirement home, and we were becoming closer with every season, since we clicked. Guess I was a pleasant change from his Phoenix crowd. The future was looking bright. Then he left a Phoenix party once, something happened and 5 minutes later his wife drove by a hideous accident only to find his sports car in the middle of it. Heart breaking, life shattering, yet we keep going. Like Kobe healthy, fit, rich, 36yr old, one moment there, then gone. Dreams and plans, puff, it’s over. Wife loved the place, but it was his, down to the genuine rodeo arena he welded up with my assistance, and all the work, and his dreamed of cows and more horses. Cascading consequences all over the place.

Irony of irony a year later we moved out of the area, then by pure happenstance I wind up moving back to the area 8/9 years ago and am living in place where, when I’m on top of landlord’s roof, I can see his one time property and my fences a couple miles to the west of my current home. Never looks like much is happening there other than some hay growing.

As for the other about Kobe, he was a sports jock supreme, in that crowd it seems like scumbag moves against vulnerable woman, or silly woman, is part of their macho mentality and growing process. Trust me I’m not raising him to godhood the way others are, just noticing what a shame, what a waste.

One of those thought provoking, memory awakening, happenings.

And like I said were I at home, I’d have barely noticed, but alas I’m here in this reality right now. Hell, earlier today I took a closer look at a picture on a wall that’s been hanging in this house all along, with a young grandmother and a black guy. Never paid much attention to it. Today I looked closer, dang if it ain’t a young Kobe Bryant. Here’s a little gossip, she’s a long time double season ticket holder, but her husband has long passed. She using one tonight, but sold the other seat for tonight’s memorial and Lakers game for 4,400 saw bucks. I’m assured they’re good seats, worth it they say. Me, I cannot fathom that world.

I didn’t know the guy or watch sports so his passing means nothing to me

Xain, Citizen is hurting. If you don’t say anything, no one will miss it.

Sree, you are being silly (and not comprehending), I’m not the one that’s hurting. Well it did remind me (and Tim for that matter) of another instance that definitely was deeply hurting for me personally, but that was life times ago. I did my mourning and once in a while I’ll open that little box in my heart that reminds me of how real it was, then close it up again. Life goes on.

Xian I read your comment earlier and left it, didn’t have a worthy reply. Since then it’s occurred to me that this whole thing was about processing the hurt of others from an empathic perspective.

You’re the one into philosophy and such, we are each the universe, because we have the same fundamental lives, same milestones, successes and failures, tragedies and all, fractals in every direction.

I was musing on the importance of place - hell this goes right back to the evolution thing of not being able to really understanding an organisms without understanding its environment. At home I’d feel about as remote as you do. Being here, seeing that screen full of the throng of grieving people outside and inside that arena a couple hours ago, that means some thing. There’s more here than just a guy. I can’t relate to the guy or his career, but I can relate to the dad that loved his children and family and community and that apparently millions around the globe loved. It’s moving in and of itself. It’s the human drama that fascinates and enthralls. It’s worth spending a little time with. Then we move on.

 

You may not be hurting over anyone in particular but you channeled pretty powerful feelings that were tracked by my radar. Seems like we are high sensitives in this bleak empty universe.

It isn’t to me. What you speak of isn’t universal. We don’t have the same milestones or lives, at least I don’t. I’m not broken up by death unless it’s someone I know. But I can’t relate to other people when folks they know die because I didn’t know the person. I’m usually over it after a day so I don’t get how people can mourn for weeks.

So no, it’s just a man at the end of the day. A man I didn’t know.

So no, it’s just a man at the end of the day. A man I didn’t know.
That's not surprising. Since you talk a lot about trying to shut off your feelings. As I've said before, you can't suppress anger and sadness but keep happiness and wonder. You get a flood of all of them or you get less of all of them.
That’s not surprising. Since you talk a lot about trying to shut off your feelings. As I’ve said before, you can’t suppress anger and sadness but keep happiness and wonder. You get a flood of all of them or you get less of all of them.
that seems more like something that people just say rather than what is. I can keep happiness and wondering without sadness and anger. I never really get angry so I don’t get that in people and not a lot makes me truly sad so I don’t get that either. It’s part of the reason I look at people with curiosity since they react to things in a manner I don’t. If anything I force myself to feel what they do to fit in, because they say it’s correct.

But truth be told I can’t be broken up about these icons or whatever. If a musician I like dies all that means to me is that there won’t be anymore songs, but there will be other ones.

You may not be hurting over anyone in particular but you channeled pretty powerful feelings that were tracked by my radar.
Well okay, I am a cognizant human who's been watching us needlessly destroying this planet's biosphere, which we depend for everything. Now I'm watching democracy literally die within the United States of America. I'm helping care for a beautiful baby who's world will be a genuine hell hole by the time he becomes an adult. So yes, okay Sree, I do live with a lot of pain and anguish, but I'm still open to the beautiful and love that does exist, and the good things in my life.

Xain, many of us love feeling we are unique and we are, yet, yet, we are humans, we are biological beings, sure we have different temperaments and abilities, we reach sort of different milestones when it comes to the specifics, but in the end family (the one we came from and the one’s some of us create), shelter, food, wanting good time and a sense of success, tasting love, losing love, even feeling estranged as you project yourself, I don’t believe you are above and beyond those yearning and that fundamental humanism. In fact, I imagine some of your neurosis is because you deny so much within yourself, that shouldn’t be denied.

I’ve been very blessed by the parents and the upbringing I received, so guess I’ve been gifted with a few extra ounces of curiosity and appreciation and awe than most others appear to have been, but I’m still mired in the same struggles and frustrations and find my successes where I can. It’s just that somewhere long ago I embraced life as an adventure and revel in experiencing it and trying to comprehend all of it, and despite many silly predictions to the contrary turns out I’ve done okay (even if no one gives a damned about what I struggle to write), and I’ll wager pretty good odds that when the time comes I’ll die in peace. What more can we hope for?

Missed your last comment, writing mine.

I never really get angry
That's sad. I've got a bit of the hot head inside me, comes with passion. So I appreciate that anger isn't the greatest and it's important to 'manage' - civil behavior is important. Learning to vent appropriately is a wonderful skill. But, I've learned to appreciate it's that hot headed side that helped be able to stand up to people and walk through places and situations where predators wanted to chew me up and spit me out. So it's a double edged sword. Somewhere along the way I realized some our worst qualities make our best qualities possible. Yin Yang and all that Tai Chi balance stuff ;-)
broken up
Who's broken up - this has been a mediative sort of thread for me, not a healing thing. Although, yes guess it's true, others have been truly broken up by this sad foolish tragedy and that touches me, but hasn't bruise me.

Doesn’t touch me, it’s almost like watching an animal through a glass box. I don’t think it sad that I don’t really get angry. I just puzzle at why people make a big deal out of a lot of things. Death being one. I know it happens and no one is spared and it can happen any time.

I can keep happiness and wondering without sadness and anger. I never really get angry so I don’t get that in people and not a lot makes me truly sad so I don’t get that either.
You've said the exact opposite. You have gone on about for months at a time, to the point that I worried about you when you stopped posting. I've stopped believing your reports of your mental states because they have contradicted too many times, not in a "I learned from that" sense or "my feelings changed" sense, but in a 'those two things can't both be true' sense.
Somewhere along the way I realized some our worst qualities make our best qualities possible. Yin Yang and all that Tai Chi balance stuff
Sometimes you just gotta let it go and not worry about getting the words right. Like I heard earlier, "A poem isn't finished, it's just abandoned". We try to express the things that can't be expressed, if we can't, at least we can make a rhyme.

Believe what you will, but the truth is that I often force feeling sad about deaths that mean nothing to me because to be “fine” would mean that you are some kind of heartless monster who doesn’t care if people die. I mean I don’t because I don’t really care that much about other humans. And yes I can be happy and wondering without sadness and anger. There isn’t evidence that you need to feel those to have the others, it’s not a scale.

Somewhere along the way I realized some our worst qualities make our best qualities possible. Yin Yang and all that Tai Chi balance stuff
Yin and Yang is the most misunderstood concept from Eastern mysticism as it does not imply opposing forces. Also the dichotomy of it is false to begin with as dark and light are not opposites but degrees on the same scale like hot and cold. Also our worst qualities don't make our best possible. Suffering can embitter people and harden them instead of opening their hearts and you don't have to have endured great pain to be considerate.
Xain: Doesn’t touch me, it’s almost like watching an animal through a glass box.
Nothing touches you until that thing becomes emotionally relevant to you. Once it does, then you suffer when that thing - be it a person, a possession, or idea - is destroyed.
I don’t think it sad that I don’t really get angry.
I would consider that a blessing. Rage is a deadly sin. You have one less to worry about.
I just puzzle at why people make a big deal out of a lot of things. Death being one. I know it happens and no one is spared and it can happen any time.
Death is a big deal to everyone, eventually. Until it comes calling, we keep busy distracting ourselves from our eventual demise. What the big deal about life, anyway? Like leaves that sprout in springtime and shrivel in the fall, people die at the rate of two every second. Why suffer all the conflict and strife that come with human life?

Reminds me of what’s said about writing, “the project is never finished, you just meet deadlines.” :wink:

Poetry done well is a bit beyond my abilities, managing to describe stuff to my satisfaction is difficult enough.

And to steal your sentence Lausten: Sometimes we just gotta get on with living and give “thee mysteries” a break.

or something like that :slight_smile:

Sree, you’re interesting that’s for sure. Your last sentence made me think of a song. So lets take a break.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rpq35wyDi7I

Xian, enjoy.

Death is a big deal to everyone, eventually. Until it comes calling, we keep busy distracting ourselves from our eventual demise. What the big deal about life, anyway? Like leaves that sprout in springtime and shrivel in the fall, people die at the rate of two every second. Why suffer all the conflict and strife that come with human life?
the reverse can also be posed. Why die before your time? Why NOT live life and go through everything with it? I’m currently stuck on the truth that everything is meaningless but by that extension so is death. Also your first point is wrong.