Oh friends I have a heavy heart. I feel it’s my duty to inform you of strange and incredible things. Last night I was awakened by a loud buzzing and when I opened my eyes, there he was again, that hideously transmogrified creature, half-human, half hornet, yes the dreaded Double H. Wow! What a shock but I tried to stay calm. I mean staring down the barrel of a two-foot stinger is not the time to lose your nerve. Prior eyewitness accounts described it as a two-footer, but I’ll tell ya , It looked more like a three-footer to me. YOWZA! Not only that but it kept crackling and smoking and giving off sparks. I tried to communicate with him and he answered me. BZZZZZZZ, BZZZ, BZZZZ I’ve been at large and I’ve been very busy. As you know conservative anal sphincters are my game young or old it’s all the same. I leave them scorched, I leave them lame. It’s my one and only claim to fame.
Then I asked him, What have you done? He told me the whole story with all the gruesome particulars. He said, I went flying up through Alabama and Tennessee and when I came to a county where Trump signs were everywhere I waited and hovered in the air and followed the MAGA hats to their homes and waited for the right time.”
“Well gee Buzzy what happened then?” I asked.
He looked down at that three-footer still smoking with heat and crackling with high voltage energy and said, “What happened will make him dream of Preparation H for the rest of his days. (DOUBLE YOWZA!)
Then he told me something shocking and beyond belief and frankly, I’m alarmed. After a night of this hmm, well let’s call it penetrating activity the Sunday morning worship services at the Full Literal Gospel Triple Spirit-Filled Born Again Church were oddly and unexpectedly disrupted. As reports have it the pews were filled with good red-blooded Trump supporters but something was wrong, tragically wrong. As the preacher began his sermon on the need to keep our wonderful president in office he noticed the people in their seats began squirming and moving around Just as he was telling all of how unfair the liberal media has been in stopping our president Donald Trump from making America great again. “Donald Trump has made a few mistakes but who hasn’t?” he said, and added “Who among us hasn’t paid 130 thousand dollars in hush money to a porn star at some point in our life. Haven’t we? Now be honest.
As the preacher spoke the swaying heads in the audience became distracting as people kept squirming in their seats and then a low-pitched audible groan began to be heard but the preacher soldiered on bravely. He began again” Now the liberal media says that women are opposed to our great president but I don’t have a clue why they’d feel that way. They say he doesn’t respect women, well, just because he cavorted with prostitutes when his third wife was pregnant with his child doesn’t mean he disrespects her. I mean why would anybody think that?” As he continues all those heads swaying back and forth from hyper-inflamed anal sphincters made it look he was on the ocean and he got seasick. Oh, the swells and the groaning but luckily, it must have been providence just before he was about to blow lunch the door flung open and a man shouted into the church that a truckload of Preparation H had been spotted on the highway and within 2 minutes the Literal Full Gospel Triple Spirit-Filled Fundamentalist Born Again Assembly was emptied in a mad rush.
After hearing this story from this ghastly creature I had to ask him, Was it you that caused that awful calamity? Was it really you Buzzy?”
“BZZZZ Yes it was and I’m not done until election time, so tell every Trump supporter to listen for the BUZZZZZ. When you hear it it’s too late So remember, I scorch and I scald and with only a touch you/re permanently bald. Repent and vote for Joe, BZZZZZZZZZZZZ.