These are strange days, the kinds of days that can make a hero out of a regular young guy, who turned out to be at the right place and the right time to get across an important lesson to the powers that be, and to fellow citizens.
Let’s start at the beginning: It was a warm summer night in August. On Donald Trump’s orders, National Guard troops had descended upon Washington, D.C. Spirits were low, tariffs were high. But not high enough to prevent Sandwich Guy from buying a hoagie from Subway.
The National Guard troops patrolling the streets were an ominous warning for our country, and an unsettling presence in the District. Trump’s claim that the agents were cracking down on crime — in a city where crime was at a low point — was a half-baked excuse to execute his authoritarian agenda. …
For the details of the crime, please refer to the linked article below, it does possess some strong language, understandable for such a traumatic incident, still not appropriate for our G rated audience.
… for all of the judge’s talk that this would be “the simplest case in the history of the world,” it turns out it actually was a pressing case that extended into a four-day trial. A jury was selected. Reenactments of the Sandwich Assault were performed. A witness was called to stand. Lairmore was asked to identify the sandwich (he couldn’t).
Yes, the warhead on the tip of this missile with a message, (or was the missile the message??). Yes the infamous “Subway Sub” missile, packing the 12"warhead.
trump wanted felony assault charges, but his lawyers could not muster better than a misdemeanor charge though that didn’t diminish the fervor of their efforts, stretching out a half hour procedural proceeding, to a nail biting 4 day long affair filled with the highest national security implications.
And, for all of the judge’s talk that this would be “the simplest case in the history of the world,” it turns out it actually was a pressing case that extended into a four-day trial. A jury was selected. Reenactments of the Sandwich Assault were performed. A witness was called to stand. Lairmore was asked to identify the sandwich (he couldn’t).
… over the course of four days, the government tried to prove the extent of the violent nature of this fierce footlong, not to mention the national security threat the defendant, Mr Dunn, presents to the law and order of this great nation.
The Sandwich Target insisted this was no ordinary sandwich. “I could feel it through my ballistic vest” victim Lairmore testified.
Lairmore was so shaken, if not unhinged, by the incident that is coworkers needed to resort to a group intervention where he was presented with a Subway sandwich plushie - followed by hours of counseling, which seems to have been effective and Lairmore has since been able to return to work, defiantly sporting a “felony footlong” sticker on his lunchbox.
As for the plushie doll, that now sits proudly, or should I say defiantly, on a shelf in his living room, demonstrating to the world that you can’t keep a good man down.
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I don’t really do the story justice, Mark Elias is better with the pen than I am, so have a peek:
