I am glad you are getting help and that is one example in which the person's existence is important in the here and now. As for one's eventual death, there isn't much you can do about it, except take care of your health (both mental and physical), enjoy your family, as well as life, and live in the here and now, instead of worrying about what happens after you die. There are many things to enjoy in life, instead of constantly worrying about death and I think a good therapist, as well as well some of the ex-religious groups I mentioned, can help you with that.But how could they help my situation though? I view my situation as a bit different. To me, the only thing that matters in life is that a person lives forever and is happy because the person is what is important here and is someone very special. They are the #1 thing in life. This is the most important thing in life because it is the most horrible thing to me for any innocent person to forever no longer exist. That to me is the most hellish reality to live with. Therefore, since that is the most horrible thing, then the only thing that can possibly matter in life is living forever and being happy because it is no longer facing this hellish and miserable reality of the finality of our own death. Other people are fine with the finality of their own death because they do not have the thought process that I have just explained here in this very post. A person being an eternal soul that can live, be one with the universe, and live in eternal joy is the absolute most powerful thing. There is NOTHING else that compares to this. If it really is true that I am not a soul and that I will forever die one day, then I am far better off and this entire life is far better off never having come into existence to begin with. That very idea to me is peaceful and comforting because I would have never come into being to face this hellish reality of my eternal death. Never existing before I was born was never a problem. But now that I have come into being, it is the most horrible thing for me to come out of being. It is no different than if you never had a mother. Not having her was no problem. But if you did have her and had the most meaningful and joyful life with her, then it would be the most horrible thing for her to come out of existence forever. So for that very reason, you were better off never having that mother to begin with since her nonexistence would not be a problem then. So in that same sense, I am far better off never having been born. That way, my nonexistence would never have been such a problem and would never have rendered my whole entire life into this hellish state I am living in now.
They can help with OCD thinking, which is not different from your situation. As for the human being #1 you can still have that even if humans don’t live forever. However, if you must have a sense of “living forever”, think of it this way… we are made up of elements all found in the universe and the earth, when we die, we go back to the earth and fertilize, become part of plant, nourishing them, so they can grow. Of course, we aren’t conscious of this after death, but still the elements we are made of continue as plants (especially if we have a Green funeral). In a sense, we are giving back what we took from the earth. Nature has a wonderful way of recycling itself and we are physically part of that. While not a religious ideology, it is more scientific than religion ever was or will be. Thus, we aren’t exactly non-existent elemental wise, even though we are as humans. I know, most people don’t like the idea of being plant food, but as a vegetarian, I rather like the idea.
They can help with OCD thinking, which is not different from your situation. As for the human being #1 you can still have that even if humans don't live forever. However, if you must have a sense of "living forever", think of it this way... we are made up of elements all found in the universe and the earth, when we die, we go back to the earth and fertilize, become part of plant, nourishing them, so they can grow. Of course, we aren't conscious of this after death, but still the elements we are made of continue as plants (especially if we have a Green funeral). In a sense, we are giving back what we took from the earth. Nature has a wonderful way of recycling itself and we are physically part of that. While not a religious ideology, it is more scientific than religion ever was or will be. Thus, we aren't exactly non-existent elemental wise, even though we are as humans. I know, most people don't like the idea of being plant food, but as a vegetarian, I rather like the idea.Is the advice that these people offer the type of advice you have given me here to try and make me feel better? Because if it is, it is not working. You said that I can think of living forever in a different way, but that does not work for me. This is because the only form of living forever that gives me peace is actually living forever. People can try to give me alternate ways of looking at things such as how you have just done right here, but this does not bring me peace. It does not make me fine with the idea of forever ceasing to exist.
Mozart, there are some very intelligent people who have been very patient and gracious with their time. There is no way they can replace you sitting down with someone, in person, and having an actual conversation. They will give you exercises, maybe readings, possibly medicine, I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. I can’t do what a doctor can do.
They can help with OCD thinking, which is not different from your situation. As for the human being #1 you can still have that even if humans don't live forever. However, if you must have a sense of "living forever", think of it this way... we are made up of elements all found in the universe and the earth, when we die, we go back to the earth and fertilize, become part of plant, nourishing them, so they can grow. Of course, we aren't conscious of this after death, but still the elements we are made of continue as plants (especially if we have a Green funeral). In a sense, we are giving back what we took from the earth. Nature has a wonderful way of recycling itself and we are physically part of that. While not a religious ideology, it is more scientific than religion ever was or will be. Thus, we aren't exactly non-existent elemental wise, even though we are as humans. I know, most people don't like the idea of being plant food, but as a vegetarian, I rather like the idea.Is the advice that these people offer the type of advice you have given me here to try and make me feel better? Because if it is, it is not working. You said that I can think of living forever in a different way, but that does not work for me. This is because the only form of living forever that gives me peace is actually living forever. People can try to give me alternate ways of looking at things such as how you have just done right here, but this does not bring me peace. It does not make me fine with the idea of forever ceasing to exist. No it's not the advice they give. It is strictly from me. My thoughts and my love of nature. To be honest, you have to come up with your own way of thinking about this, but it doesn't hurt to listen to other secular ideas on the topic.
Mozart, there are some very intelligent people who have been very patient and gracious with their time. There is no way they can replace you sitting down with someone, in person, and having an actual conversation. They will give you exercises, maybe readings, possibly medicine, I don't know, I'm not a doctor. I can't do what a doctor can do.I can't either. I don't think anyone here can do what a doctor or psychologist does.
Mozart, there are some very intelligent people who have been very patient and gracious with their time. There is no way they can replace you sitting down with someone, in person, and having an actual conversation. They will give you exercises, maybe readings, possibly medicine, I don't know, I'm not a doctor. I can't do what a doctor can do.I can't either. I don't think anyone here can do what a doctor or psychologist does. Let me add something important here. There are two types of people. The 1st are those who are completely accepting of the finality of their death. They are fine with the idea of giving themselves up. But then there are those on the extreme opposite side of the spectrum. These are dangerous sociopaths who are never accepting of the finality of their death. They are not fine giving themselves up and they wish to be immortal. I am the latter group. I feel like bashing someone's skull in over this. This is all I have to give joy and meaning to my life. Me living forever in eternal bliss which is a life all to myself is all that matters to me. I am unable to enjoy this life I have no matter what I do or tell myself. If the very thing that give my life joy and meaning is dare taken away, that is when I am no longer a caring easy going person anymore. I am dangerous now and will harm/kill anybody until I can get that back (my belief in the afterlife). I won't kill innocent people though. I just feel like killing those who name call me and other things.
Mozart, there are some very intelligent people who have been very patient and gracious with their time. There is no way they can replace you sitting down with someone, in person, and having an actual conversation. They will give you exercises, maybe readings, possibly medicine, I don't know, I'm not a doctor. I can't do what a doctor can do.I can't either. I don't think anyone here can do what a doctor or psychologist does. Let me add something important here. There are two types of people. The 1st are those who are completely accepting of the finality of their death. They are fine with the idea of giving themselves up. But then there are those on the extreme opposite side of the spectrum. These are dangerous sociopaths who are never accepting of the finality of their death. They are not fine giving themselves up and they wish to be immortal. I am the latter group. I feel like bashing someone's skull in over this. This is all I have to give joy and meaning to my life. Me living forever in eternal bliss which is a life all to myself is all that matters to me. I am unable to enjoy this life I have no matter what I do or tell myself. If the very thing that give my life joy and meaning is dare taken away, that is when I am no longer a caring easy going person anymore. I am dangerous now and will harm/kill anybody until I can get that back (my belief in the afterlife). I won't kill innocent people though. I just feel like killing those who name call me and other things. Hopefully the person you said you are going to get help from can help you with your needs and wants. I truly think you need more than what we or any other forum can give you, which more than likely means seeing a psychologist. As for name calling, I think you just called yourself the strongest name anyone can give, without a being psychologist or a psychiatrist. I don't even know you in which to call you any names, not even a sociopath and I don't plan on falling for any traps in which to call you such names. Sadly though, no one is immortal, even my mother, who is a devote Evangelical Fundamentalist, knows she's not [physically] immortal. She would say she has a soul and believes her soul will go to heaven, but physically she is not immortal. She knows very well that her physical body will rot and decay, but believes very devoutly that her soul will go to heaven. If that is what you want to believe, then maybe what you want, though I don't recommend it, is a Christian psychologist (though I don't think they are true psychologists) or a minister, but if you want help with feelings of wanting to harm others, then I highly recommend a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist. It all depends on what is more important to you and how you want to achieve it- religious belief or mental health, although... if believing in an afterlife is going to keep you from harming others, then by all means, please do believe in an afterlife.
I won't kill innocent people though. I just feel like killing those who name call me and other things.Does suggesting that you seek help count as "name calling" to you?
I won't kill innocent people though. I just feel like killing those who name call me and other things.Does suggesting that you seek help count as "name calling" to you? No. But I have an important question here. Do you really think that my life can change to the point where I will no longer have any more desire whatsoever for the afterlife? That living forever in eternal bliss will be nothing important to me anymore and will no longer matter to me anymore? Because if my life gets to that point, then my life will no longer be miserable. The reason why my life is empty and miserable/hellish is because living on forever in eternal bliss matters so much to me and I have a powerful desire for it because the idea that I will forever remain dead is the worst thing to me. But if dying forever is no longer the worst thing to me and I no longer have anymore desire whatsoever to live in eternal bliss, then that is when my life will be just fine. I am very skeptical as to whether my life will ever get to that point. If it doesn't, then my life will always be miserable/meaningless regardless of how I think and what I do with my life.
I won't kill innocent people though. I just feel like killing those who name call me and other things.Does suggesting that you seek help count as "name calling" to you? No. But I have an important question here. Do you really think that my life can change to the point where I will no longer have any more desire whatsoever for the afterlife? That living forever in eternal bliss will be nothing important to me anymore and will no longer matter to me anymore? Because if my life gets to that point, then my life will no longer be miserable. The reason why my life is empty and miserable/hellish is because living on forever in eternal bliss matters so much to me and I have a powerful desire for it because the idea that I will forever remain dead is the worst thing to me. But if dying forever is no longer the worst thing to me and I no longer have anymore desire whatsoever to live in eternal bliss, then that is when my life will be just fine. I am very skeptical as to whether my life will ever get to that point. If it doesn't, then my life will always be miserable/meaningless regardless of how I think and what I do with my life. I'm not going to really answer that. "I don't know", is my best answer. You have talked about suicide and murder in this thread. CFI or any online forum is not a place to talk about that stuff. If you are having thoughts like that, you need to talk to someone who is an expert in talking about thoughts like that. There are eCounseling sites. You have been given a suicide hotline phone number. Get started however you want.
Since you are unwilling to seek professional help, maybe you should try some magic mushrooms.
Mozart Link: “Forget about it. Refer to my previous post I have just written. No other way of living is going to work out for me. Living forever and being happy is all that matters to me. That I enjoy my life and hobbies and live forever this way. That I have a life all to myself to live that way. I am not happy and cannot enjoy my life. So now I am a slave to other people and their suggested ways of live I find no value in whatsoever. I am not going to be this slave. I live my own way. The way I find meaningful. So this isn’t just going to work for me. I will put an end to my life instead because I am not going to be this slave.”
Ok!
I don’t know if all the advice others have given me here is going to work for me. I feel I am way beyond any hope. I will perhaps need to live my life in a rubber room since I cannot handle the idea of me no longer existing when I die. It is the worst thing to me that renders my life miserable, empty, and also makes me feel very violent. Me living forever in eternal bliss is not just a want. It is an absolute need for me and when this life depending need is not met, I will become extremely violent and miserable.
The ego never wants to die. It always wants to live, survive, be happy, have a great time, never suffer, etc. The ego is something that helps keep us alive and helps ensure our survival. It is what seeks to preserve us. It is never fine with being given up. So that is why I am not fine with being given up when I die. My entire existence will be given up forever when I die and I am not fine with that.
I don't know if all the advice others have given me here is going to work for me. I feel I am way beyond any hope. I will perhaps need to live my life in a rubber room since I cannot handle the idea of me no longer existing when I die. It is the worst thing to me that renders my life miserable, empty, and also makes me feel very violent. Me living forever in eternal bliss is not just a want. It is an absolute need for me and when this life depending need is not met, I will become extremely violent and miserable. The ego never wants to die. It always wants to live, survive, be happy, have a great time, never suffer, etc. The ego is something that helps keep us alive and helps ensure our survival. It is what seeks to preserve us. It is never fine with being given up. So that is why I am not fine with being given up when I die. My entire existence will be given up forever when I die and I am not fine with that.Mozart, have you ever read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values" by Robert M. Pirsig Doubt it has any answers for you, but I think the main character (heck only character as I'm remembering it) is someone you might recognize. I'm guessing, you may find it an interesting read. Although timing can be everything.
My entire existence will be given up forever when I die and I am not fine with that.Yeah, as a kid I got into the Jesus as savor of my 'everlasting' life thing and all that neato heaven for ever stuff. Then realizing that I was basically an atheist, and that meant no personal god watching over me all the time, and the horror of dying and not going to heaven. Okay, that was as an old teenager, now I'm 60, the years of musing on it, have removed all the discomfort. After all, imagine heaven as something real and it becomes a horror show in a hurry. I mean, give it a little thought, everlasting anything is a prescription for a horror filled reality. Not having someone on the other side to hold my hand as I cross over into death, was also challenging. But, we were born into the world alone and naked and so we shall leave this world. And I was with my dad during his last years, and last days, and that last long night and his morning expiration (I used to think that such a horrible term, but it really does fit for that last exhalation we make - as the last page is turned and finality sets in.) just saying, I'm not altogether unfamiliar with it. It ain't really so bad, if you've spend your time on Earth well. I think the real horror is all those folks who are old and now getting ready to die, who have realized they never lived their lives to begin with because they spent too much time listening to other's who were every bit as clueless as you yourself, or I myself. Shit, if nothing else I've got one heck of a lot of very cool memories to keep me company, simply because I knew I was clueless, but boy oh boy, did I want to learn what I could. And I have ;-) ML, I do wish you well, and I give you credit, at least you are wrestling with it. It sure beats just rolling up.
I don't know if all the advice others have given me here is going to work for me.Right. Which is why the majority opinion here is that you should seek help elsewhere.
My entire existence will be given up forever when I die and I am not fine with that.Yeah, as a kid I got into the Jesus as savor of my 'everlasting' life thing and all that neato heaven for ever stuff. Then realizing that I was basically an atheist, and that meant no personal god watching over me all the time, and the horror of dying and not going to heaven. Okay, that was as an old teenager, now I'm 60, the years of musing on it, have removed all the discomfort. After all, imagine heaven as something real and it becomes a horror show in a hurry. I mean, give it a little thought, everlasting anything is a prescription for a horror filled reality. Not having someone on the other side to hold my hand as I cross over into death, was also challenging. But, we were born into the world alone and naked and so we shall leave this world. And I was with my dad during his last years, and last days, and that last long night and his morning expiration (I used to think that such a horrible term, but it really does fit for that last exhalation we make - as the last page is turned and finality sets in.) just saying, I'm not altogether unfamiliar with it. It ain't really so bad, if you've spend your time on Earth well. I think the real horror is all those folks who are old and now getting ready to die, who have realized they never lived their lives to begin with because they spent too much time listening to other's who were every bit as clueless as you yourself, or I myself. Shit, if nothing else I've got one heck of a lot of very cool memories to keep me company, simply because I knew I was clueless, but boy oh boy, did I want to learn what I could. And I have ;-) ML, I do wish you well, and I give you credit, at least you are wrestling with it. It sure beats just rolling up. I am going to take a guess and say that the reason why people are fine with forever dying is because living a full life is like eating food and getting full of it. You have had enough and you want to die and are fine with dying. For you to live forever in eternal bliss is too much for you and would be horror for you. But see, I am not like that. If I were like that, then perhaps I would be fine with forever dying. I don't know on this one. But me living is not like a situation where I am eating and am full and have had enough. It is instead like the sun. The sun never gets full or tired. It is a constantly generating system. It constantly generates energy and fire. So even if I did live an eternal blissful afterlife, then a million years later you would still see me just fine. I would still want to live more and more. I am a constantly generating system that survives and not a system that grows full or tired of living. Hence the reason why I have this absolute need to live forever in eternal bliss and never wish to die.
My entire existence will be given up forever when I die and I am not fine with that.Yeah, as a kid I got into the Jesus as savor of my 'everlasting' life thing and all that neato heaven for ever stuff. Then realizing that I was basically an atheist, and that meant no personal god watching over me all the time, and the horror of dying and not going to heaven. Okay, that was as an old teenager, now I'm 60, the years of musing on it, have removed all the discomfort. After all, imagine heaven as something real and it becomes a horror show in a hurry. I mean, give it a little thought, everlasting anything is a prescription for a horror filled reality. Not having someone on the other side to hold my hand as I cross over into death, was also challenging. But, we were born into the world alone and naked and so we shall leave this world. And I was with my dad during his last years, and last days, and that last long night and his morning expiration (I used to think that such a horrible term, but it really does fit for that last exhalation we make - as the last page is turned and finality sets in.) just saying, I'm not altogether unfamiliar with it. It ain't really so bad, if you've spend your time on Earth well. I think the real horror is all those folks who are old and now getting ready to die, who have realized they never lived their lives to begin with because they spent too much time listening to other's who were every bit as clueless as you yourself, or I myself. Shit, if nothing else I've got one heck of a lot of very cool memories to keep me company, simply because I knew I was clueless, but boy oh boy, did I want to learn what I could. And I have ;-) ML, I do wish you well, and I give you credit, at least you are wrestling with it. It sure beats just rolling up. I am going to take a guess and say that the reason why people are fine with forever dying is because living a full life is like eating food and getting full of it. You have had enough and you want to die and are fine with dying. For you to live forever in eternal bliss is too much for you and would be horror for you. But see, I am not like that. If I were like that, then perhaps I would be fine with forever dying. I don't know on this one. But me living is not like a situation where I am eating and am full and have had enough. It is instead like the sun. The sun never gets full or tired. It is a constantly generating system. It constantly generates energy and fire. So even if I did live an eternal blissful afterlife, then a million years later you would still see me just fine. I would still want to live more and more. I am a constantly generating system that survives and not a system that grows full or tired of living. Hence the reason why I have this absolute need to live forever in eternal bliss and never wish to die. No, we do not wish to die, or at least not all of us, but we accept the fact that we eventually will die, because everyone dies eventually. It's a fact of life, whether we like it or not. I don't think any of us get enough of living, but rather we accept reality of life. Of course, many people, when the time comes, often accept death, even welcome death, but most people who do are at the end of life due to cancer, old age, stroke, or what have you. I'm going to take a guess and say you are young and if that is the case, wanting to live is normal. What is not normal is harping on and worrying about death, fearing you won't live forever, like you are doing. When we are young, wanting to live and living life is quite normal, but not living life due to a fear of death, is not normal and in that case, like I've said before and like many people here have also said, you need to seek help from a professional.
My entire existence will be given up forever when I die and I am not fine with that.Yeah, as a kid I got into the Jesus as savor of my 'everlasting' life thing and all that neato heaven for ever stuff. Then realizing that I was basically an atheist, and that meant no personal god watching over me all the time, and the horror of dying and not going to heaven. Okay, that was as an old teenager, now I'm 60, the years of musing on it, have removed all the discomfort. After all, imagine heaven as something real and it becomes a horror show in a hurry. I mean, give it a little thought, everlasting anything is a prescription for a horror filled reality. Not having someone on the other side to hold my hand as I cross over into death, was also challenging. But, we were born into the world alone and naked and so we shall leave this world. And I was with my dad during his last years, and last days, and that last long night and his morning expiration (I used to think that such a horrible term, but it really does fit for that last exhalation we make - as the last page is turned and finality sets in.) just saying, I'm not altogether unfamiliar with it. It ain't really so bad, if you've spend your time on Earth well. I think the real horror is all those folks who are old and now getting ready to die, who have realized they never lived their lives to begin with because they spent too much time listening to other's who were every bit as clueless as you yourself, or I myself. Shit, if nothing else I've got one heck of a lot of very cool memories to keep me company, simply because I knew I was clueless, but boy oh boy, did I want to learn what I could. And I have ;-) ML, I do wish you well, and I give you credit, at least you are wrestling with it. It sure beats just rolling up. I am going to take a guess and say that the reason why people are fine with forever dying is because living a full life is like eating food and getting full of it. You have had enough and you want to die and are fine with dying. For you to live forever in eternal bliss is too much for you and would be horror for you. But see, I am not like that. If I were like that, then perhaps I would be fine with forever dying. I don't know on this one. But me living is not like a situation where I am eating and am full and have had enough. It is instead like the sun. The sun never gets full or tired. It is a constantly generating system. It constantly generates energy and fire. So even if I did live an eternal blissful afterlife, then a million years later you would still see me just fine. I would still want to live more and more. I am a constantly generating system that survives and not a system that grows full or tired of living. Hence the reason why I have this absolute need to live forever in eternal bliss and never wish to die. No, we do not wish to die, or at least not all of us, but we accept the fact that we eventually will die, because everyone dies eventually. It's a fact of life, whether we like it or not. I don't think any of us get enough of living, but rather we accept reality of life. Of course, many people, when the time comes, often accept death, even welcome death, but most people who do are at the end of life due to cancer, old age, stroke, or what have you. I'm going to take a guess and say you are young and if that is the case, wanting to live is normal. What is not normal is harping on and worrying about death, fearing you won't live forever, like you are doing. When we are young, wanting to live and living life is quite normal, but not living life due to a fear of death, is not normal and in that case, like I've said before and like many people here have also said, you need to seek help from a professional. I am seeking help since I am having no quality of life whatsoever and can't enjoy my life or my hobbies at all whatsoever. I am in this hellish and miserable mental state 24/7 all because of this idea that I could forever remain dead when I die. The difference between me and people like you is that, for whatever reason, the idea of you forever no longer existing when you die isn't all that bad to you. You are fine with it. You have no overwhelmingly powerful desire to live forever in eternal bliss like me. But since it is the most horrible thing to me to forever remain dead, then this is the reason why I can't enjoy my life and why my life is completely miserable all the time. No matter how much I tell myself to "just accept it," "just deal with it and allow it, "it isn't all that bad," etc. none of these things work. For me to forever die and no longer live this precious life is the most horrible thing to me and even the advice of others who tell me that this life has more joy and meaning since it is the one and only life does not work for me either. Telling myself that doesn't work either and the idea of me forever dying still renders my life of no quality.