Why I find life meaningless and why death is a downer

The incessant bleating about wanting a perfect life has gotten tiresome. ML is not here for help, he is merely seeking attention. If we quit giving him attention he’ll wander off to another forum and stop cluttering these forums with his immature whining.

The incessant bleating about wanting a perfect life has gotten tiresome. ML is not here for help, he is merely seeking attention. If we quit giving him attention he'll wander off to another forum and stop cluttering these forums with his immature whining.
The reason I am doing this is because nothing is going to ever change with me no matter how hard I try. This is who I am and is who I always will be. So the only inevitable thing here for me to do is complain. You are free to no longer talk to me anymore. But all I do is want to talk. So you are free to leave or you can stay and listen/talk with me anyway.
The incessant bleating about wanting a perfect life has gotten tiresome. ML is not here for help, he is merely seeking attention. If we quit giving him attention he'll wander off to another forum and stop cluttering these forums with his immature whining.
The reason I am doing this is because nothing is going to ever change with me no matter how hard I try. This is who I am and is who I always will be. So the only inevitable thing here for me to do is complain. You are free to no longer talk to me anymore. But all I do is want to talk. So you are free to leave or you can stay and listen/talk with me anyway. Sorry DarronS. ML; The freedom to talk includes the freedom to tell others you want them to shut up. I'm going to keep referring you back to this post. The full post is linked to below. It was no accident. You didn't just slip and say you have good moods. You described them in detail and explained how they fit into your worldview. You need to be consistent about this. But when I am not depressed and have my good moods, then my life is transcended into a state of paradise. It is the most profound and beautiful life for me. But having neither my good or bad moods is neither heaven nor hell for me. It is like being in limbo. So my good moods are absolutely vital and life depending for me. Without them, then it is like I am being suffocated. My good moods are like the air I need to breathe. I need air in order to live physically. But I need my good moods in order to live in terms of having good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life. ]
The incessant bleating about wanting a perfect life has gotten tiresome. ML is not here for help, he is merely seeking attention. If we quit giving him attention he'll wander off to another forum and stop cluttering these forums with his immature whining.
The reason I am doing this is because nothing is going to ever change with me no matter how hard I try. This is who I am and is who I always will be. So the only inevitable thing here for me to do is complain. You are free to no longer talk to me anymore. But all I do is want to talk. So you are free to leave or you can stay and listen/talk with me anyway. Sorry DarronS. ML; The freedom to talk includes the freedom to tell others you want them to shut up. I'm going to keep referring you back to this post. The full post is linked to below. It was no accident. You didn't just slip and say you have good moods. You described them in detail and explained how they fit into your worldview. You need to be consistent about this. But when I am not depressed and have my good moods, then my life is transcended into a state of paradise. It is the most profound and beautiful life for me. But having neither my good or bad moods is neither heaven nor hell for me. It is like being in limbo. So my good moods are absolutely vital and life depending for me. Without them, then it is like I am being suffocated. My good moods are like the air I need to breathe. I need air in order to live physically. But I need my good moods in order to live in terms of having good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life. ] I don't have my good moods now. I had them in the past and this is what that experience was like for me when I had them.
The incessant bleating about wanting a perfect life has gotten tiresome. ML is not here for help, he is merely seeking attention. If we quit giving him attention he'll wander off to another forum and stop cluttering these forums with his immature whining.
The reason I am doing this is because nothing is going to ever change with me no matter how hard I try. This is who I am and is who I always will be. So the only inevitable thing here for me to do is complain. You are free to no longer talk to me anymore. But all I do is want to talk. So you are free to leave or you can stay and listen/talk with me anyway. Sorry DarronS. ML; The freedom to talk includes the freedom to tell others you want them to shut up. I'm going to keep referring you back to this post. The full post is linked to below. It was no accident. You didn't just slip and say you have good moods. You described them in detail and explained how they fit into your worldview. You need to be consistent about this. But when I am not depressed and have my good moods, then my life is transcended into a state of paradise. It is the most profound and beautiful life for me. But having neither my good or bad moods is neither heaven nor hell for me. It is like being in limbo. So my good moods are absolutely vital and life depending for me. Without them, then it is like I am being suffocated. My good moods are like the air I need to breathe. I need air in order to live physically. But I need my good moods in order to live in terms of having good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life. ] I don't have my good moods now. I had them in the past and this is what that experience was like for me when I had them. I figured you would eventually try to back track. If you want to argue that there is nothing you can do, you will win that argument. People might be engaging you now, while you're still young, but they will stop. Then you won't have any support and you will fulfill your own prophecy. It's a race to see if you figure out how to ask for and accept support before people stop trying to reach out to you.

ML, CFI Forums is NOT a psychiatrist’s office. Go find a real psychiatrist, which you apparently need. No one here can help you. You are wasting your time and ours. Meanwhile your condition will only get worse. Don’t let it get any further out of hand than it is. Time is of the essence.

The incessant bleating about wanting a perfect life has gotten tiresome. ML is not here for help, he is merely seeking attention. If we quit giving him attention he'll wander off to another forum and stop cluttering these forums with his immature whining.
The reason I am doing this is because nothing is going to ever change with me no matter how hard I try. This is who I am and is who I always will be. So the only inevitable thing here for me to do is complain. You are free to no longer talk to me anymore. But all I do is want to talk. So you are free to leave or you can stay and listen/talk with me anyway. Sorry DarronS. ML; The freedom to talk includes the freedom to tell others you want them to shut up. I'm going to keep referring you back to this post. The full post is linked to below. It was no accident. You didn't just slip and say you have good moods. You described them in detail and explained how they fit into your worldview. You need to be consistent about this. But when I am not depressed and have my good moods, then my life is transcended into a state of paradise. It is the most profound and beautiful life for me. But having neither my good or bad moods is neither heaven nor hell for me. It is like being in limbo. So my good moods are absolutely vital and life depending for me. Without them, then it is like I am being suffocated. My good moods are like the air I need to breathe. I need air in order to live physically. But I need my good moods in order to live in terms of having good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life. ] I don't have my good moods now. I had them in the past and this is what that experience was like for me when I had them. I figured you would eventually try to back track. If you want to argue that there is nothing you can do, you will win that argument. People might be engaging you now, while you're still young, but they will stop. Then you won't have any support and you will fulfill your own prophecy. It's a race to see if you figure out how to ask for and accept support before people stop trying to reach out to you. Since you are still talking with me, then I will explain some more important things here for you to respond to: Many people would say to me to find meaning in my life through my way of thinking alone. The thought of doing something with my life and actually doing something with my life and for others. But I sense no joy, happiness, or meaning at all through my intellect alone. If I were to think to myself that my composing and my family still matter to me, then you might think that they do matter to me. But they can't. I am doing nothing more than telling myself that they matter to me. But that is not what makes them matter to me. Just telling myself words and phrases that they matter to me does not make them matter (give meaning) to me. It is only my good moods that make them matter to me. My good moods are what breathe transcending life energy into these things and this is what brings them all to life to me and gives them meaning to me. I sense no such sacred life energy through my thinking alone. Many people say that our thoughts alone are a sacred and profound experience without our good moods. But that is nothing more to me than just an intellectual experience for me. It does not offer me any such profoundness and sacred transcending life force at all. I could save my mother's life all I want and I can do all I want with life such as helping and inspiring innocent people all around the world through my compositions, but my life will always seem empty and meaningless without my good moods and without my belief in the afterlife of eternal bliss. Our good moods and depression are the very things that encourage or discourage our survival since this is how we as human beings are hardwired. Thoughts alone only give us messages regarding what to do in life and what decisions to make. They do not give us the transcending experience of encouraging our survival or discouraging our survival without our good and bad moods. We have evolved good moods (pleasure) to give profound transcending life force to our lives. It is the very thing that encourages our survival. The Nucleus Accumbens is the brain region that gives us our mental experience of our good moods. It is a brain region that has evolved to inspire, transcend, fill us with life and joy, give us the experience of love, and motivate us in life. So it is this experience of our good moods that gives our lives joy, happiness, and meaning and it is the only thing that does so. Our thoughts alone don't and give us no such experience. They only make us move, make choices, make decisions, and that is it. They are the experience of nothing more than words and phrases. They are nothing more than just words and phrases that don't have any profound sacred transcending life force to them. They need pleasure (our good moods) in order to give them that said profoundness, love, joy, happiness, and good meaning. Same thing also applies to depression. Since depression is what discourages our survival and makes us feel hopeless, then it is like a soul shattering energy. It is what gives our lives bad meaning, suffering, despair, etc. Our thoughts alone cannot give us this experience either without our moods. So thoughts alone only have a neutral life force to them. It is no different than a bland piece of candy versus a piece of candy that has a sweet and profoundly delicious sugar coating on it. The bland piece of candy might very well have a taste (energy) to it. But the taste is bland and offers no profound meaningful taste at all. But the one with the sweet sugar coating on it is the most profound and deliciously tasting piece of candy that has such a profound meaningful taste to it. So that is the analogue for what our thoughts alone are versus the experience of our good moods. Thoughts alone are like that bland piece of candy. They need good moods in order to give them profound and spiritual life force (meaning). So this life is all like one big bland piece of candy with no sugar coating on it. It needs my good moods in order to give it, my family, and my composing profound meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration. When I have my good moods, it is like the life force of an angel coursing through me that gives my life such profound meaning. I absolutely need this life force to give my life and composing meaning. Without it, then nothing in this life can ever bring me any meaning. When I am depressed, it is the opposite type of energy. It is like I am being lowered into hell rather than transcended into heaven. To say that our thoughts alone without our good moods can give our lives meaning, joy, inspiration, love, and happiness would be no different than saying that a bland piece of candy that has no sugar coating can still taste sweet. That is just nonsense. Therefore, Buddhists who say that there is a form of happiness and meaning that we can have in our lives even while we are depressed and don't have our good moods is nonsense. They are only fooling themselves here. There was never any meaning or happiness through living such a life.