I thought I might as well record my premonition here.
I have always been a very logical and scientific person, skeptical of anything supernatural, but I have recently gone through a complicated miscarriage during which I had a premonition of my death.
This was in August. I’d taken misoprostol which hadn’t worked and the doctor said to me that I’d need a D&C under general anaesthetic. I immediately ‘knew’ that I’d die if I had the general anaesthetic. What followed was the most stressful and terrifying time of my life during which I tried to find a hospital that would perform a similar procedure, an MVA, under local anaesthetic.
I succeeded in this, but things haven’t gone that well since then. The procedure actually didn’t get all of the tissue out, even though I was scanned and told I was in the clear, and I passed another bit of tissue four days later. I’ve been scanned again since then and everything looks fine, but my HCG dropped very slowly. It took six weeks to drop from 18 to 2.
I still feel that I haven’t escaped my fate. I think I could have cervical cancer, although my doctors say I am fine. But I have started getting strange pains behind my pubic bone. Or I may still have very very small amounts of placental tissue left, given how firmly the placenta was attached and how slowly the HCG dropped. From this, I fear I may develop a form of gestational trophoblastic disease, also requiring a hysterectomy under general anaesthetic.
I’m not in a good way. I’ve gone from being a normal, happy, successful person to a nonfunctional human being who cannot work, cannot see anyone, has moved in with her mother, can barely do anything.
My Facebook is Redirecting... and you can see where I record the premonition back in August. I guess if something happens and I can’t update on here then you can find out on there because people will post about it.
I'm not in a good way.That's very sad. Not much to say, you are here today, are you fighting this? Do you want to get better and go on? I do wish I had something to offer. All I, we, have is an assurance, if you're looking to share, here would be a good place. People with good hearts hang out around here. Also we lost one of our long time regulars DarronS, earlier this year. http://www.centerforinquiry.net/forums/yellowgreen/3884/ All quite abrupt, life happening at its coldest. Previous to that we lost Occam one of CFI forum's founders and a true bright light of any discussion. http://www.centerforinquiry.net/forums/yellowgreen/17019/ and I think many here find resonance with your personal fears and challenges. I was already thinking about them today, now I'll be thinking of you too. At 62, particularly considering the free fall civil society seems to be taking, I think of death as a real presence. The closing of the last page. Still, in the end it ain't over till it's over, keep on truck'n best you can. I wish you strength and full recovery.
It is really sad to hear about your situation, Jenny. But to me it simply sounds like you had a premonition that didn’t come true. Having premonitions is not unusual. I have them all the time, both positive and negative. I used to get incredibly strong feelings that “this time” I was going to win the lottery, or that today my car was going to break down, or that someone I loved was going to be involved in an accident. I was always looking over my shoulder, waiting for the shoe to drop. But guess what? None of those premonitions ever came true. My car did break down, but not on a day that I had any premonition about it. My cousin was killed in an automobile accident and my mother was hospitalized for a bronchial infection, but not on days that I had any sort of “psychic warning”. I finally realized that premonitions don’t mean a thing and I started ignoring them. You can’t allow irrational fears to ruin your life.
Tell your doctors about your concerns and above all try to trust that they know what they’re doing. I’m hoping for the best.