I’m trying to explain how the world works to a teenager. Easy, right? He is making that choice of sticking with the counter culture, drugs and all, or the path that at least tries to avoid jail most of the time. What I’m thinking of saying is, the reason you can make that choice is that a lot of people have made that seemingly straight boring conformist choice in the past. You can sit in your room, and think about it because you live in a home that has food in it. How that house was built required regulations, banks, loans, and safety laws. Having food in your house requires refrigeration, which mean electricity, which means understanding Ohm’s law, which means a school system. It’s an endless stream of people making healthy choices that affect others.
The choice is, in the end, his. If we don’t allow him that option, then this is not a free society. But a free society still has laws that protect the weak from the strong and the gullible from the liars. A free society creates a guy like Steve Jobs who didn’t finish college but went on to change the world. A free society does not protect someone who can’t function, or who uses drugs that lead them to violent behavior. We draw a circle around those people to keep them from doing too much damage, and keep hoping they will make a different choice.
The best way to teach a kid about the World is to first of all be a good role model. Sounds cliche’ but it’s a fact. Kids learn by observation and trial and error. Show them the importance of responsibility, to themselves and to the family that supports them. Involve yourself in their life. One wonders what would have happened if the parents of the Columbine shooters had made themselves aware of their kids when they were plotting a massacre while hanging out in their basement. Explain finances, how to save money and how to spend it wisely. Teach them how to think, be skeptical and guided by logic. Then, when they turn 14 it’s time to turn off the video games, put up the chips and get a part time Summer job, preferably dealing with the public. It teaches social skills and shows them that this is what awaits them if they don’t get either a college degree (in a subject that will enable that to have a career) or a tech. Degree, very popular nowadays. Then, cross your fingers and hope for the best. Oh, and watch the group or groups with whom they become attached. We’re herd animals after all and want to “fit in” with whatever bunch we’re with. Above all know that there’s no guarantee that the kid will be a rocket scientist, but you can pretty much bet the won’t be sleeping in a doorway with a bottle in a paper bag.
Cap’t Jack
Thanks TVA. Good advice, unfortunately I just met the kid. It’s a restorative justice program for kids who have committed felons. So, either he agrees to some rather simple consequences, or he chooses the hard path of having that on his record. By simple, I mean not physically difficult, but things like getting a sponsor for a 12-step program.
The substance abuse problems he has must be dealt with first.
Don’t worry about teaching him how the world works.
Sr. Member Total Posts: 1824 Joined 2009-10-21 Thanks TVA. Good advice, unfortunately I just met the kid. It’s a restorative justice program for kids who have committed felons. So, either he agrees to some rather simple consequences, or he chooses the hard path of having that on his record. By simple, I mean not physically difficult, but things like getting a sponsor for a 12-step program.I've worked with many kids like that and you're right about the drug rehab step. It must come first and he has to own his actions. Then the rebuilding can begin. It is a hard path,especially for a kid who was born into and has experienced chaos around him his whole life. It becomes the norm and normal familiar relationships are abnormal. It literally takes years of patience to work with a kid in that circumstance. You first have to prove to him that you care. Cap't Jack
There are social workers and professional involved in this too, and something called Rule 50 or something that did get him some help, but as was noted, he has to own his actions. He is a classic case of someone who has fallen into the “cracks”. He has very few advantages at home, some mental health issues, and he’s complicated it with drugs. He’s been dropped into the system, but we know how well that works. Thanks for your input.
One thing I’ve always thought would help, and this is just uninformed opinion, is to give a kid something outside himself to care about. The best example I’ve seen is when you’re driving and you see kids driving in these to me ridiculous looking cars all tricked out. We laugh, but when I see them I think, at least that kid has something he cares about and has obviously put a lot of time into. It’s something to lose if he thinks about going astray with drugs, crime, etc. Just a thought.
Thanks. I tend miss the mark on that one, either I try to define “higher purpose” broadly and let them decide, or I suggest something like Chess Club, which aren’t interested in and don’t understand that I’m just throwing random suggestions. I try, “so what are you interested in?” and get “I dunno”. But that’s how it goes, I guess.