I got to reflecting on this since I’m 33 years old and I feel like, looking over my life and where I am now, I feel like I’ve wasted so much time, especially in my twenties.
People would say “You’re still young, you’ve got time” but whenever I heard that I just took it as an excuse to slack off because I can always put it off later (Whatever I wanted to do). But thinking over it now…I realize that roughly 1/3 of my life is over and I haven’t gotten anywhere. The older I get the more things will wear down so I won’t really be able to always achieve the things I want to do.
I guess…I’m starting to understand my own mortality and what I’ve done with the time I have. I never went for things I really wanted because there was always later, but now I’m thinking that “later” is getting smaller and smaller. Now I’m worried there isn’t enough time to do this, not before I get too old.
I guess this is what an existential crisis is like, realizing you don’t have all the time in the world and unless you do something life will pass you by and you’ll die with regret. I don’t want to feel like it’s too late, but I feel like maybe I’m learning this lesson to late for it to matter.
I guess I’m wondering if maybe I’m too old to change things in my life and to go for what I want.
First needed item to change it to really need and want to change. And you need help, And you need to have the will to pay the price.
At 30 i was in a dead end, i needed to change, 2 years of psychotherapy. It was hard. I finished some sessions crying.
The result, i found a woman or rather a woman found me. We have lived happily for 45 years.
12 years ago, i weighed 100 kilos. My toubib looked at my blood analysis. He told me that nothing was functioning anymore and that if i did not change my way of eating, i will have to use drugs for my whole life
Thanks for sharing that. I hope it’s okay to extent it into a bit of a dialogue, because thinking of what you’ve gone through, of course makes me think of what I’ve been through. We’ve had different journeys, but we’re healthy humans and key events are similar, and our emotions and needs and challenges are relatable.
That was interesting, Quite the journey, you did well.
*(a bit of rewrite)
I can relate to the ups and downs and dealing with the bottom dropping out and rebuilding.
As for crying, I think that’s an interesting topic. Especially since I seem to find it easier and easier. Not weeping and drama, simply eyes getting overwhelmed and watering up and such. I’m a sentimental softie at heart, so it is what it is.
Given my Earth Centrist outlook, and my own passionate interior, I envision emotional crying, as a reflection of every cell in my body, bursting with a passion (energy) that needs to go somewhere.
I mean like a pressure cooker, there needs to be a release somewhere - and for me that is what the crying is for. Opening biological channels, giving the explosion of emotional stress (and the all the microscopic stuff it creates) escape vents.
A good passionate cry, not for public drama, you and yourself, the real deal. It having to come out and one just letting it happen. It flushes out that pent up hurt/fear/anger/confusion, etc.
Allows the brain to recalibrate to new realities. (reminds me a little of the moral of the Passion Play)
It helps us bring our thoughts back down to oneself and the really important things like the present moment and your body, health and sense of self and interior wellbeing. The people in your life, and the act and process of living one’s day to day with as much dignity as possible.
… (back to something ‘you’ wrote) … often “change” isn’t about a “choice” we make. Change gets thrust upon us. When the rug gets pulled out from under us - we are left to make choices and adapt, then we see where it takes us.
Decisions will have cascading consequences. So we try to steer the direction of those decisions.
…
What will I be present to?
How will the direction of my focus, interest and choices influence how my future circumstances unfold?
In my case, and on a metaphorical poetic level, thinking back to a couple decades ago with hindsight, I can see specific situations, that incrementally drew me towards this piece of land, and my wife, and new small community, needing me, as much as I needed them. “Psychic gravity” - related to karma.
Could have never planned it, but I still arrived “where” I wanted to be.
Brings me back to thinking about Free Will, in terms of tiny daily decisions
making choices in the moments,
choices that have direct cascading consequences on one’s future.
We calculate hoping our choices bring us closer to a future we want.
To me that seems like an exercise in “Free Will.”
Does that make any sense?
Excuse me for rambling, simply looking for an interesting discussion.
Does that make any sense? (I’m home alone with my Maddy dog, staying away from news, so thoughts have a chance to wonder.)
Excuse me for rambling, just looking for an interesting discussion.
I’ve been trying to fight the thoughts that depression keeps doing but it’s hard because it’s been this way for years, though I’m getting better at noticing when I’m doing it.
Some days I lose heart a little because I wonder if I’ll ever get over this, and I let myself feel sad a little but keep at it again.
I’m reminded of what was said in terms of neuroscience and how the more you do something the easier it gets so that gives me hope.
To be fully honest, to keep down my weight is still a daily fight. I can understand Inthedarkness moods, as his fight is much more difficult than mine.
And yes, crying can be a needed way to release emotional pressure.
Quite the journey, you did well.