A lot but I guess I’m just looking for support in that. It’s still new to value my own assessment and not seek validation.
I mean saying you are awareness and not the mind or body or heart seems off to me. That identification is literally an area of the brain (which they deny). It also came up you are not the mind or thoughts, which I’m not sure about either. I mean the thoughts I have are the result of everything I’ve been through up to that point so in some sense they are me.
And like I said I was a bit bothered that they said this stuff didn’t upset me and neither did Buddhism and that it triggered some secret thing in me because otherwise everyone would be bothered by it. Thing is…other people have been? I’ve been across enough places to know that and I highly doubt it’s some secret trauma or other being triggered and not the material. I know the ideas of Buddhism caused me a lot of grief because it severely challenged my worldview.
In fact that’s sort of their thing, assuming that if you have an issue with their stuff that it’s due to some secret trigger or trauma and not the material, which is…convenient. It literally happened in conversation with Gary where he invented some trauma I didn’t have just to be able to explain what was going on.
Yeah, turns out to be a whole lot of nothing when I looked into it. Also dude admitted to me that he doesn’t have to answer questions on the material, which…didn’t shock me.
One thing that bugs me about them saying stuff doesn’t make us feel things is that the feeling comes from inside you (or more like they asked where it comes from) but to me that doesn’t mean we control it or decide how to feel about something. Like the feeling might come from me but the outside stuff is making it happen (among other things as it’s not just that). But trying to get that across isn’t working so it leads to me doubting myself.
I always end up doubting my knowledge when I can’t convince someone else.
I’ve done that plenty of times already, but nothing really changes because I guess at my core I just don’t care. I do it because it’s “good” and you’re “supposed” to do it but deep down I don’t give a damn.
And I feel like that should be a problem because you’re supposed to care about stuff? But for some reason that just doesn’t register to me.
Yes. I was tested as a kid and it was confirmed, I remember going to all the schools and departments around me and taking a bunch of tests with puzzles and stuff, though I didn’t really understand it. I still don’t fully understand how it affects me either.
The only thing I really know is that I’m different from most people I meet, I can see that much. It’s sort of like everyone else is in on something you’ll never understand.
I’m pretty sure I mentioned it already, but if not then I guess now you know.
I have a friend where I live here. Mostly I talk with him on Facebook because in person he struggles with words, online he’s quite brilliant. It really opened my eyes to how I judge people on mannerisms and speech patterns.
He works at a local nature center, talking about bats. He’s totally into bats.
I don’t think I’m courageous, though I think for a long time it was a huge chip on my shoulder. I didn’t like the pity I got from people and tried to insist I didn’t needed help and I wasn’t one of the special kids. But over time it became clear there were things that I couldn’t see and stuff I didn’t get. Even now I don’t know where my limits are at.
I really wish I knew. As far as I can remember stuff in my life was just harder for me, especially studying.
I can tell you what you are good at!
You are a very good writer. Your command of English is admirable and your posts are well-constructed and readable.
You could have a career in literature of some sort. Search your memory for stories or events that caught your interest and that you might want to share.
Be a reporter ?
I wouldn’t say that. I often struggle to put ideas into words a lot. Even now I can’t properly explain the things that are wrong with me.
That can’t really happen for me, I’m terrible in conversation. As for literature I wouldn’t be good there either, I don’t really have ideas unless someone tells me what to do like in school. As someone on the spectrum I get too locked into patterns to be a creative.
Like this whole thing about nothing “makes us feel” has me stuck for weeks. I can’t feel my emotions, the ones that make it through are shot down and suppressed, and I don’t even enjoy things anymore because apparently he said “nothing makes you happy or laugh”.