Do we know how to grieve

I love Moth Radio Hour, so saying this is the best I’ve heard, is significant. It’s a mother who lost a child at the Sandy Hook shooting, but it’s much more. She raises major problems with how the US deals with death, as well as the gun problem.

The one that struck me the most was her story of her son asking what “forgiveness” means. She recalls not saying much, because they were in a hurry to get somewhere else. But later, someone else bumps into her and recalls overhearing their conversation, and comments on how well she answered her son. I think we often don’t know we are being beautiful or how we are impacting the lives of others.

Grief and forgiveness are not “one size fits all” emotional responses, so the idea that somebody is doing it wrong doesn’t really add up. However, both could lead to other behaviors which are unhealthy.

I find grief is mostly for oneself, mostly for what we have lost, and how we suffer over the loss. I think it terribly difficult to reconcile the opportunity to love and then the inevitable grief of losing that loved one. There seems no way to protect oneself from the grief other than to not love. No matter how much wonderful time we shared with the one we lost we still feel the grief. No matter how many wonderful memories we have, we still don’t want to let go. I have heard the saying “love hurts”. I think nothing else hurts nearly as much. We live, we die; it is a fact, not a problem. There is no solution. We have to bear it; we have to live through it, not for ourselves but for them.