Hope you don’t me tossing in different ending:
Where does Universal law allow you make amends for your mistakes by asking forgiveness and saying a few prayers?
Time moves ever forward, and every act is final (along with it’s cascading consequences), today is the sum total of all your yesterdays.
All you do tomorrow is built upon what is there right now.
This is the moment that matters, today, right now, focus on it, do it best you can, and the tomorrows will take care of themselves.
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I tip my hat to write4u. Side note further ramblings,
last night may have been my final night with monitor for li’l G and those midnight visits to my alter of humanity and deep time. Tonight I’ve promised myself a full night sleep. I’m in a writing mood.
Past couple nights have been sweet, contented little baby, greeting me with smile I can’t see in the dark room, but I can feel in the way he reacts when I pick him up and cuddles into me and then our quiet ‘dance’ begins. When all is well, into the recliner, show him his bottle and his hands grasp and control the show, he’s all business until he’s done, and then on to playing with the bottle. Then we hang as I try work a burp or two out of his little body. With various illnesses, including COVID bouncing around the home, you can imagine the spectrum of burping,… to yyyy was impressive. Gotten skilled at anticipating and getting his body and onesie, out of trajectory’s way and to heck with the carpet.
It was a well timed visit given all that, as I was able to split the load, taking Li’l G’s monitor most nights, while parents took Li’l B, thus giving them a shot at some sleep.
Science be blessed, thanks to all parties having had vaccinations no crisis, for me it never rose above nasty crud and sweating out a low grade fever.
Back to the dance, these past two nights, during his first after midnight awakings, he drank modestly and was more sleeping than awake. So peaceful, tired and sleeping and I’m not going to mess up that for the diaper, gently down I slide him, with weeks of practice, my hands do some elegant maneuvering, guiding him through this ever so subtle transition from a warm body to firm mattress. Success as he settles back into a deep sleep.
By now I know better than to leave, I settling into the recliner, toss the blanket over me and hang out. Calculating and making odds in my mind, is he really down? A few minutes passed, then came the stirring, then the babbling, which is him learning to use his tongue and mouth, with sounds very akin to “iluvu” and “dad” (and why not he hears them all the time) and other sweet baby vocalizations - basically telling me ‘dude, we ain’t done yet’.
“Okay little fella”, he’s happy to be scooped up again and taken to his changing table. I’ve never understood the horror stories about changing. I’ve never met a kid that likes being in wet and or shitty diapers, older they get more embarrassed, which leads to potty training, no biggie. In any event, all my kids like getting clean, airing out a while, fresh diapers. Still diaper is inside the sleeper and this little guy with more teeth straining to come in, drools copiously, wet sleeper is no fun. Once in a while soaking himself. Talk about dance, changing out those is a real dance with cooperation along with anticipation, very important.
Then up into my arms, and then, that incomparable folding in and cuddling the way sleepy babies do. Another dance, very attentive to baby’s breathing, when thing seems right, ease him into horizontal position, stop swaying, then the easy transition onto the bed, helping position him, reassuring the once again awakening little one, it’s okay time to sleep.
That’s perhaps the most incredible moment, hanging there easing him back to sleep, watching it happen and then he’s off, nothing to do but wonder at the whole thing, not just this little guy, but the entire incomprehensible pageant of predecessors, that it took to create this little one.
Last night I noticed my posture, knelt over the nice wide side rail of this crib, like people do at the alter taking their holy sacrament, when it occurred to me that I was in actually at my own alter, the ‘Alter of Humanity’ Beholding this unique little creature, who also representing all of humanity.
This time I don’t hang around near as long, I know he’s down for the count, so off to bed I go, with monitor in hand. That’s been past couple nights, it’s not always so picture pretty.
Early days of this week, he was a hurting little unit yet again, after improving from a previous cold. There were a couple long painful crying sessions, one of those inconsolable, nothing works, and you simply need to be there with him riding it out until he knocks himself out. And so it was, fortunately only happen twice was really ugly, that is long. The feeling of helplessness drills into one. Only thing to do is stay as peaceful and soothing as possible, feel his pain and simply endure, the clock never stops ticking.
Thanks be both these young ones are among the fortunate, the healthy, the one’s who’s bodies are competently taking care of the show. While the child is resting, the body is readying him for the onslaught of another day.
write4U, regarding not believing in Intelligent Design - this past year my approach to that has changed a little. On the one hand of course I don’t believe in intelligent design - yet on the other the more we learn the more amazing life is, and I feel like there’s a real internal human insistence that something so complex, needs an organizing conductor or something.
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