My feelings of pleasure (all good feelings) are the only things that matter to me in my personal life and are the only things that define me and my life as truly good. Nothing else defines me or my life as truly good at all. Not even me living on for others in life and helping them out despite my absence of pleasure. I am going to explain more on this. But in the meantime, I will say something here which is that my sole reason for being a composer was because of my profound feelings of pleasure that I value so much. There was no other reason for me being a composer or even living for that matter. My pleasure is the only reason for me living. My pleasure to me is more important than the air I breathe. But now I have lost all my pleasure and there are never any brief moments of any given pleasure at all. It is called anhedonia and I think it is a negative symptom of schizoprhenia. So I have given up being a composer since I no longer find any good reason to become a composer without my feelings of pleasure to derive from my compositions.
I am going to give an analogue here of my situation of valuing my pleasure as the only good thing in my life and me giving up being a composer because I have lost it. It would be no different than if Beethoven said:
“Hearing is all there is to life. Without it, then you, your compositions, and your life are all nothing more than dead silence and nothing truly good at all. My hearing is the only reason for me living since it is a very profound thing to me. It is more important than the air I breathe. I would end my life if I have somehow lost it. I can hear all the beauty of nature and I will soon be able to hear the majestic compositions that I am going to make. I can do amazing things with my hearing. Therefore, I am going to do just that. I am going to do something amazing with my hearing. I am now going to choose to become a composer and create these amazing compositions I have thought of.
I am going to give a message to the world as well here. I am going to say to the world that deafness is completely uneccessary and that you can create great compositions through your hearing and they can turn out just as good or even better than those composers who have composed through their hearing loss. Hearing is the only good thing in life and it is that much more important that we find cures for hearing loss since you, your life, and your compositions would all be nothing more than dead silence to you. It would be all be nothing truly good at all without your hearing. Therefore, we need to find cures for hearing loss since the only thing that makes you a great composer and artist would be your hearing since any work of art you create would be nothing truly good at all to you without your hearing since it would all be nothing more than dead silence. You can still see your works of art and such. But you being able to see them is nothing good at all since only hearing defines us and our lives as being truly good. All other things in life are all nothing more than dead silent images and such without our hearing.”
Beethoven then begins to learn how to compose and is in the process of composing his music. But he then becomes deaf and completely gives up being a composer since his hearing was the only thing that was important to him in his life and was the only thing to him that made him and his life good and worth living and nothing else. He only finds good value in his hearing and he finds no good value in anything else in his life without his hearing at all. Not even his own personality and his own artistic genius is anything good at all to him without his hearing. Not even him composing for other people and having them have something amazing to hear is anything good at all in his life without his hearing. It would be good for the other people who are able to hear his compositions. But his own personal life would be inferior, worthless, and of no good value whatsoever to him without his hearing.
Other people then come up to Beethoven and try to encourage him. They say to him that there is more to life than hearing and that there are other good things in life to live for and that he can still find good value in being a composer even without his hearing. But he doesn’t believe them at all. He has absolutely convinced himself that hearing is all there is to life and is the only thing of good value in life. It is a firm and strict personal value and belief he has and no one can ever change it. If anyone tries to tell him to accept his hearing loss, then that advice would be an utter insult and a mockery to Beethoven since he would never live to accept having lost the one and only thing of true good value to him and his life. Beethoven would then become enraged towards anyone who tells him to accept his hearing loss. Beethoven has strictly decided that if he can’t fully regain his hearing, then he is going to end his life and he won’t have it any other way. From there, Beethoven continues to find no good value whatsoever in anything in his life without his hearing since everything to him in his life is now nothing more than dead images of silence. His only reason for living now would be him living to try and fully recover his hearing and nothing else. In the event that his hearing does fully recover, he will go back to being a composer and will find full good value in his life and composing dream once again. But in the event that his hearing doesn’t fully recover, then he will end his life right then and there and no one is going to change his mind otherwise.
Therefore, this situation with Beethoven is the exact same situation with me here. My feelings of pleasure are the only good profound things to me and my life. I have lost all of them due to anhedonia (absence of pleasure). My only reason for living and my only reason for being a composer was because of pleasure. I wanted to not only experience pleasure from music and the compositions I would have made, but I also wanted to tap into and channel my feelings of pleasure to create emotionally powerful compositions of any type whether they be dark, gothic, happy, etc. It would be my pleasure in dark, gothic, happy, etc. things that would create these types of compositions. But now that I have lost all my pleasure, then I have strictly decided that I would end my life if I can never fully recover my pleasure. Therefore, I am now living to do all I can to try and fully recover my pleasure. Only if my pleasure is fully recovered would I then go back to being a composer and find full good value in me, my life, and my composing dream once again.
See a psychiatrist, dude.
See a psychiatrist, dude.He's been advised to do that on many occasions. It hasn't done any good. I've put him on my "ignore" list. It's the best way to avoid being annoyed by drivel. Lois
See a psychiatrist, dude.He's been advised to do that on many occasions. It hasn't done any good. I've put him on my "ignore" list. It's the best way to avoid being annoyed by drivel. Lois One might ask why am I here and posting all of this "nonsesne" over and over again. It is because my pleasure is the only thing that matters to me. I don't care if what I'm saying is nonsense and I don't care about the fact that the only reason why I'm here is to refute everything everyone says to me with their own non-hedonistic arguments. I will only speak from the perspective of my immense value towards my pleasure since that is all that matters to me now.
It is because my pleasure is the only thing that matters to me.Yeah, I have him on ignore too. I took him off momentarily to see if he has gotten help. Apparently not. I envision him as an obese couch potato, watching old "I Love Lucy" reruns with potato chip crumbs and Grape Yahoo dribbling down his double chins in a trailer that hasn't been cleaned in years. Back to ignore.
I am not such a person. I was planning on doing something great with my life with my pleasure which would be me becoming a composer. But I have now given up on my composing dream.It is because my pleasure is the only thing that matters to me.Yeah, I have him on ignore too. I took him off momentarily to see if he has gotten help. Apparently not. I envision him as an obese couch potato, watching old "I Love Lucy" reruns with potato chip crumbs and Grape Yahoo dribbling down his double chins in a trailer that hasn't been cleaned in years. Back to ignore.
Actually I pictured him as younger and really messed up. LoisIt is because my pleasure is the only thing that matters to me.Yeah, I have him on ignore too. I took him off momentarily to see if he has gotten help. Apparently not. I envision him as an obese couch potato, watching old "I Love Lucy" reruns with potato chip crumbs and Grape Yahoo dribbling down his double chins in a trailer that hasn't been cleaned in years. Back to ignore.
Hello, Mozart Link,
Just this one post.
The anhedonia thing, the bad news is there’s not much anybody else can do about it for you. Maybe offer a few methods or procedures that have worked for some people, and maybe drugs for some kind of psychological safety net. But, to the best of my knowledge, if you want things to change, you have to decide to do something about it. Crying out to people in an anonymous forum can feel like some kind of solace, but it probably won’t change what you want changed, and, it should be pretty clear by the comments, people get really tired of it. Hating the negative commenters won’t hurt them and will do you harm.
All I can say is try something. Something for yourself, but oddly enough that may entail doing something for someone else. I’ve no idea what it might be that would work for you. You’re a musician, go teach a kid, or do something really out there, maybe see if you can create a kazoo band in a low income retirement community. Expect it all to fail, but commit yourself to, if not enjoying the process, at least paying attention to the effort and trying like hell to be kind. For many of us, the best way to find some kind of satisfaction or “happiness” in this life is to try to offer the opportunity to someone else.
Good luck
One might ask why am I here and posting all of this "nonsesne" over and over again. It is because my pleasure is the only thing that matters to me. I don't care if what I'm saying is nonsense and I don't care about the fact that the only reason why I'm here is to refute everything everyone says to me with their own non-hedonistic arguments. I will only speak from the perspective of my immense value towards my pleasure since that is all that matters to me now.Your narcism wore thin a long time ago. When you joined these forums I was concerned about you, but now I just wish you'd go away. Everyone, please put this self-pitying egoist on your ignore list.
One might ask why am I here and posting all of this "nonsesne" over and over again. It is because my pleasure is the only thing that matters to me. I don't care if what I'm saying is nonsense and I don't care about the fact that the only reason why I'm here is to refute everything everyone says to me with their own non-hedonistic arguments. I will only speak from the perspective of my immense value towards my pleasure since that is all that matters to me now.Your narcism wore thin a long time ago. When you joined these forums I was concerned about you, but now I just wish you'd go away. Everyone, please put this self-pitying egoist on your ignore list. Thankyou, sometimes the advice of a member who has been here awhile, speeds things up.
did someone say something about being a poser?
One might ask why am I here and posting all of this "nonsesne" over and over again. It is because my pleasure is the only thing that matters to me. I don't care if what I'm saying is nonsense and I don't care about the fact that the only reason why I'm here is to refute everything everyone says to me with their own non-hedonistic arguments. I will only speak from the perspective of my immense value towards my pleasure since that is all that matters to me now.Your narcism wore thin a long time ago. When you joined these forums I was concerned about you, but now I just wish you'd go away. Everyone, please put this self-pitying egoist on your ignore list. Why be bothered by me? I have no intention of harming or annoying/agitating you or anyone else. I am innocent. Just consider me as nothing more than a harmless innocent fluttering butterfly on these forums just fluttering on by as it so pleases by posting its own topics and arguments. Other people are free to come up to that said butterfly and engage with it. They are also free to come up to it and tell it that it should do something else besides fluttering. But if fluttering is its own natural thing to do, then there is just simply no reason to be agitated with it. Also, consider my topics and arguments as nothing more than me putting books on shelves. You are free to pick up those books and read/engage with them. Or you can just leave them be without ever having been offended by them in the first place. As for me though, I am a publisher and my goal is to publish books and get a clear message to the world which would be that hedonism is very likely to be true. I am a publisher and you have no reason to try and stop me and to be agitated with me since I am innocent and have no intention of agitating you or anyone else. That, or you could just consider me a merciless serial killer. Like someone who inflicts torture upon disrespecting and scorning people like you. These types of people might beg me to stop, but I will carelessly continue to do so anyway.
One might ask why am I here and posting all of this "nonsesne" over and over again. It is because my pleasure is the only thing that matters to me. I don't care if what I'm saying is nonsense and I don't care about the fact that the only reason why I'm here is to refute everything everyone says to me with their own non-hedonistic arguments. I will only speak from the perspective of my immense value towards my pleasure since that is all that matters to me now.Your narcism wore thin a long time ago. When you joined these forums I was concerned about you, but now I just wish you'd go away. Everyone, please put this self-pitying egoist on your ignore list. Why be bothered by me? I have no intention of harming or annoying/agitating you or anyone else. I am innocent. Just consider me as nothing more than a harmless innocent fluttering butterfly on these forums just fluttering on by as it so pleases by posting its own topics and arguments. Other people are free to come up to that said butterfly and engage with it. They are also free to come up to it and tell it that it should do something else besides fluttering. But if fluttering is its own natural thing to do, then there is just simply no reason to be agitated with it. Also, consider my topics and arguments as nothing more than me putting books on shelves. You are free to pick up those books and read/engage with them. Or you can just leave them be without ever having been offended by them in the first place. As for me though, I am a publisher and my goal is to publish books and get a clear message to the world which would be that hedonism is very likely to be true. I am a publisher and you have no reason to try and stop me and to be agitated with me since I am innocent and have no intention of agitating you or anyone else. That, or you could just consider me a merciless serial killer. Like someone who inflicts torture upon disrespecting and scorning people like you. These types of people might beg me to stop, but I will carelessly continue to do so anyway. No, we don't think you're a serial killer. We just think you're a narcissistic, self-absorbed pain in the ass who won't recognize that he has serious psychological problems that could be treated, so you post your mindlless, inane drivel about your mental problems here. That's enough for the rest of us to put someone on the ignore list. We all have a limit to our patience and many of us have reached it. Compassion goes only so far when a person refuses to get help and continues his ravings. There is nothing we can do for you except to advise you to get help. Your mental condition has far surpassed any other advice we can offer. You are now saying the same things over and over again, using different words. We've had enough. Lois
One might ask why am I here and posting all of this "nonsesne" over and over again. It is because my pleasure is the only thing that matters to me. I don't care if what I'm saying is nonsense and I don't care about the fact that the only reason why I'm here is to refute everything everyone says to me with their own non-hedonistic arguments. I will only speak from the perspective of my immense value towards my pleasure since that is all that matters to me now.Your narcism wore thin a long time ago. When you joined these forums I was concerned about you, but now I just wish you'd go away. Everyone, please put this self-pitying egoist on your ignore list. Why be bothered by me? I have no intention of harming or annoying/agitating you or anyone else. I am innocent. Just consider me as nothing more than a harmless innocent fluttering butterfly on these forums just fluttering on by as it so pleases by posting its own topics and arguments. Other people are free to come up to that said butterfly and engage with it. They are also free to come up to it and tell it that it should do something else besides fluttering. But if fluttering is its own natural thing to do, then there is just simply no reason to be agitated with it. Also, consider my topics and arguments as nothing more than me putting books on shelves. You are free to pick up those books and read/engage with them. Or you can just leave them be without ever having been offended by them in the first place. As for me though, I am a publisher and my goal is to publish books and get a clear message to the world which would be that hedonism is very likely to be true. I am a publisher and you have no reason to try and stop me and to be agitated with me since I am innocent and have no intention of agitating you or anyone else. That, or you could just consider me a merciless serial killer. Like someone who inflicts torture upon disrespecting and scorning people like you. These types of people might beg me to stop, but I will carelessly continue to do so anyway. No, we don't think you're a serial killer. We just think you're a narcicistic, self-absorbed pain in the ass who won't recognize that he has serious psychological problems that could be treated, so you post your mindlless, inane drivel about your mental problems here. That's enough for the rest of us to put someone on the ignore list. We all have a limit to our patience and many of us have reached it. Compassion goes only so far when a person refuses to get help and continues his ravings. There is nothing we can do for you except to advise you to get help. Your mental condition has far surpassed any other advice we can offer. You are now saying the same things over and over again, using different words. We've had enough. Lois You think I am doing nothing about my anhedonia. This is false. You have given me the advice of getting the right meds and that is exactly what I am already doing. I am also exercising and such. But in the meantime (my free time), I am posting here. Just because I am posting here doesn't mean that I'm not doing anything about my anhedonia. Also, it is not disrespect to you or anyone else if I keep on posting here since I never had the intention of disrespecting you or anyone else. I am just simply someone innocent posting here just like with my analogue with the butterfly and the publisher.
There is only one good reason for being a composer, and that is to write music, everything else is window dressing or an excuse.
If you are a composer, as you claim, post something that you have written.
There is only one good reason for being a composer, and that is to write music, everything else is window dressing or an excuse.There are many different reasons why people do things and we should not belittle those reasons as long as they are reasons that they are not using to harm other innocent people. My reason was my feelings of pleasure since they are very profound things to me more important than the air I breathe. You are not me and I am not you. Therefore, you do not understand how my pleasure is so important to me. Therefore, you should then not belittle my feelings of pleasure that I have lost by telling me that they are not that important and that I should just compose to simply write music and other things. If someone had to pursue a dream/career for a sole purpose (such as helping others) that was very important, but this sole purpose was not to pursue the dream/career in of itself. Instead, the pursuing of this dream/career would only be of good value to this person if it could be used to help others, then if there was no one for this person to help, then we should not belittle this person's situation of him/her having no one to help and him/her completely giving up his/her dream/career because of that. As for a composition I have made, I have yet to fully perfect one. I was in the process of beginning to learn how to compose.
You think I am doing nothing about my anhedonia. This is false. You have given me the advice of getting the right meds and that is exactly what I am already doing. I am also exercising and such. But in the meantime (my free time), I am posting here. Just because I am posting here doesn't mean that I'm not doing anything about my anhedonia. Also, it is not disrespect to you or anyone else if I keep on posting here since I never had the intention of disrespecting you or anyone else. I am just simply someone innocent posting here just like with my analogue with the butterfly and the publisher.Well, that's the most interaction you've had with us since I've known you, so, virtual pat on the back for that.
As for a composition I have made, I have yet to fully perfect one. I was in the process of beginning to learn how to compose.At this point I can't think of any composer who has made the "perfect" composition, but they publish anyhow and then work from the criticism they receive to improve the next one.
What you need to do is to get outside of yourself. That is easy to say but difficult to do. Children live within themselves. That is their entire world. ME, ME, ME… Adolescence is a very difficult time of life because that is when we learn that (1) everyone is within themselves and everyone has to learn how to deal with that, (2) except for parents, spouse, and friends (usually) the world really doesn’t give a fiq about you, and if you don’t have that support you can develop problems, (3) most everyone you meet will use you in some way or another, and that’s OK as long as the use is mutual, that’s the way the world works, and (4) in order to be happy, which actually means that you are usually content with who you are, you have to give a little bit more of yourself than you get in return. There are many reasons why some people never learn how to experience the world of humanity outside of their pursuit of themselves, they think that pleasure is happiness, and some spend their lives seeking it, hurting others trying to find it, and never finding it. Which is sad because the best way to find it is to help others find it. I think that It is in cooperative effort that the human species learned how to be human. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, develop multiple multiple interests and skills, and, trite but true, be a friend to get a friend.