Xian: “It was surreal”
You know Xian, me being a bit of a bleeding heart, dharma bum, leftie, I listened to that meditation advice, like you’re talking about, the cleansing of your mind, quieting all your thoughts. I never took any guru’s seriously (I learned the skeptical eye early on) but the underlying ideas and goals made sense.
I took it as a goal to achieve that mediative state of “clearing the mind” achieving the moment of inner silence, but according to my path. In any event, early in my forties I was with some pals camping at Chestler Park, Canyon Lands NP (google it, it’s a landscape that evokes all the spirituality you got in ya bud.). Amidst a tumultuous period in my life, this was a few days of pure geologic/spiritual experience with good friends.
One day I joined my pals for a hike through the Joint Trail (look it up, it’s mind boggling, one moment you’re on top of the world, next your deep inside the bowels of Earth) and beyond to a prominent outcrop we wanted to get on top of. There was a plastic Honeybear bottle along with ‘black honey’ in it - it happens when adding ground mushrooms, that was passed around. As we were climbing and my cosmic side was kicking in, it seemed like this was a perfect time to try again. I peeled off from my pals and found a splendid little niche under an outcrop with a grand view and started focusing on proper breathing, pushing that little talking man off the stage, mental silence, nothing.
And damned if I didn’t break on through to the other side. Silence and nothing. What the fuk was I thinking! The sensation was like being tossed out of a space capsule naked. If I ever had a “Mr. Wizard” moment that was it, fuk this, its like death, absolute nothing. I came back into the real world with relief and joy to be gazing out at that huge “empty” vista stretching out west and knowing my friends would be walking back down the trail before long and that I would be joining the party.
And so, I touched the great meditation mystery and knew that I wanted nothing more to do with that bit of mental trickery. I was alive, had a healthy body with healthy desires, I had friends and family, and a good life in a most amazing place. I was cured, I learned to my satisfaction what “it” was about and wanted no part of it. I wanted to experience living. Not that I don’t meditate at all any more, but now it’s the breathing and then focusing on sensing my body, happy to be in the here and now.
Xian, listen to others, be curious, learn, but follow your own gut impulse, save your money, and refine who You are. The universe will provide the moments and the teachers if you’re perceptive enough to recognize it. Oh and watch out for the predators, they are everywhere, studying you, looking for weakness and an opportunity to take what they want from you. The glad hand hides a dagger and it comes in many guises.
gee that was fun, thanks Xian ;-