Emergency Alert. Will Ebola make the US turn to Science?

Science and Technology
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YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!!! NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—There is a deep-seated fear among some Americans that an Ebola outbreak could make the country turn to science. In interviews conducted across the nation, leading anti-science activists expressed their concern that the American people, wracked with anxiety over the possible spread of the virus, might desperately look to science to save the day. “It’s a very human reaction," said Harland Dorrinson, a prominent anti-science activist from Springfield, Missouri. “If you put them under enough stress, perfectly rational people will panic and start believing in science." Additionally, he worries about a “slippery slope" situation, “in which a belief in science leads to a belief in math, which in turn fosters a dangerous dependence on facts." At the end of the day, though, Dorrinson hopes that such a doomsday scenario will not come to pass. “Time and time again through history, Americans have been exposed to science and refused to accept it," he said. “I pray that this time will be no different." --
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YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!!! NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—There is a deep-seated fear among some Americans that an Ebola outbreak could make the country turn to science. In interviews conducted across the nation, leading anti-science activists expressed their concern that the American people, wracked with anxiety over the possible spread of the virus, might desperately look to science to save the day. “It’s a very human reaction," said Harland Dorrinson, a prominent anti-science activist from Springfield, Missouri. “If you put them under enough stress, perfectly rational people will panic and start believing in science." Additionally, he worries about a “slippery slope" situation, “in which a belief in science leads to a belief in math, which in turn fosters a dangerous dependence on facts." At the end of the day, though, Dorrinson hopes that such a doomsday scenario will not come to pass. “Time and time again through history, Americans have been exposed to science and refused to accept it," he said. “I pray that this time will be no different." --
They miss the elephant in the room. They rely on science and what has come from science every time they turn on a light, drive a car, use the phone, or blog online about their anti science ideology. Hilarious!
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The Borowitz Report is satire, sort of like The Onion. This is sadly funny because it is so close to being true.

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The Borowitz Report is satire, sort of like The Onion. This is sadly funny because it is so close to being true.
I was thinking it sounded an awful lot like the Onion
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The Borowitz Report is satire, sort of like The Onion. This is sadly funny because it is so close to being true.
Yes, its very close to the truth. Lois