See, I wasn’t kidding. 
Still, I sometimes do like wading through stuff like that best I can, because of how it dramatizes how little I know, and how overwhelming complex some of these subjects are.
Though it is getting close to wondering about to the relationship we have with the knowledge we possess. It’s a start.
I defined the start, the knowledge that we are animals on a planet with a thin layer of protection from a billions year old universe. We are constantly discovering more about animal behavior, meanwhile we have lives to live.
I don’t like not knowing or understanding things, it feels like I have no control over things. I already struggle socially because of being able to read people and I struggled in school too because a lot of things went over my head.
Reminds me of when I had to drop my Intro to C+ course because I just couldn’t grasp any of it.
That reminds when of I turned 21 and there was a liquor store on the way home. I stayed up until 3am playing D&D the night before my midterm in Calculus. I went to use the bathroom twice during the exam. It wasn’t for number one or two.
But you like leaving out key pieces that are worth pondering.
Knowledge that we are animals - also means you gotta dig down into what that means for your individual organism being the result of a specific bloodline successfully evolving, . . . as your biological body gained “instinct” that is internal knowledge that is out of reach of your consciousness and that helps keep you alive, yes doing some of your thinking for you. It’s not all about higher level consciousness. It’s recognizing that there aren’t clean dividing lines between conscious and unconscious or subconscious.
Also, got to start better appreciating how much of evolution and consciousness is all about interactions, because we still don’t hear that mentioned much when consciousness is pondered. Instead our inclinations always have us looking of the God, the final answer, microtubules, or mathematical/geometrical creation of the imagination such a “conscious agent”, etc, etc. When it’s a complex systems thing.
Too much time stranding within the ego and too little time pondering the physical biological reality outside of our conscious little dialogue maker in our heads, that’s always dominating our attention.
There’s a difference between white bread and multigrain bread.
Well the better you learn to appreciate that you don’t have control over your life, but that instead, you certainly can influence your life - the better off you’ll be.
Your expectations are not a friend.
I hear that a lot but I like to know what to expect. Like I said, I already struggle to make friends and talk to people because I don’t know how they will react and I don’t want to do anything bad.
I wish things worked out the way they did in shows or movies I watch, where there are clear signals and that if you do X you get Y.
Male? (JK I just couldn’t resist.)
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Yes. I guess I just wish life was like that because it makes it easy for me to know what to do and how to do it and what to expect. But life isn’t like that and I don’t know how people will react so I end up doing nothing or not even trying.
I’ll admit I’m a huge sucker for romances or the BL genre in anime, the second one mostly because in high school I never had moments or stuff like that, mostly just living in fear of being outed to people. But also because the interest is often overt and for someone like me it helps because I can’t exactly read signals if someone is into me. They could very well be but I won’t notice.
I just wish people were clear like that in life. It’s the same with the video games I play (not talking about people but other stuff, well maybe a bit) where there is a clear objective and you know what to do and if you do it then you get the thing, but life isn’t really like that. It’s the same with the social stuff in games where you already know and just have to pick the right answer from the options.
Having to figure all that stuff out myself…I don’t know what to do. For a lot of my life I just copy what people say or act like or do what I think they like because I don’t understand the dynamics of social interactions. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so weird about all this and just KNEW the things and what to look for.
I’m still struggling to separate making friends with guys and romantic interests and being gay complicates that for me. I’m having trouble parsing the two out and what my feelings mean.
Ah I see… 50 shades with 50 flavours and it’s all confusing? That’s a case of finding your own way on that topic. Just don’t copy others. Be yourself. No one likes a copy cat, unless it’s a form of flattery. And no one likes it when you aren’t true to yourself, being yourself. Find yourself first, know what you want and what you need, trying to fulfill most of it for yourself or you may find yourself disappoint, because others can’t do it for you.
I’ve tried to find myself for 20 years and came up empty.
I often think I’m either a nobody or just hollow.
You like nitpicking and feeling harmed because I don’t use the same words as you
This is a friend of mine. The first time I met him was in person. He didn’t make eye contact and seemed, well, different. Then we got on Facebook, where he is very articulate. He’s into bats and has a lot friends. The pucture is small, but he’s holding a bat. I only know you via texting, so maybe your in-person skills are like his.
Anyway, it doesn’t make you hollow. Other than being argumentative I don’t think you have a lot of bad qualities.
There is a condition called “resistance”, a powerful obstacle to overcome.
Perhaps this may offer a direction.
“There’s a secret that real writers know that wannabe writers don’t, and the secret is this: It’s not the writing part that’s hard. What’s hard is sitting down to write.
What’s keeping us from sitting down is Resistance.”
I don’t know something like the lack of explicit recognition that our Gods are created from within ourselves, isn’t trivial, when we have at least a third of our public believing they are in direct communication with God and that they are doing “God’s Will.” You call that trivial, I think it’s at the heart of a great deal of delusional thinking. (confusion that comes from not know what your own body is about. Not trivial!)
The appeal that it’s okay for our wishful thinking to trivialize and dismiss important scientific facts? Trivial? I think not!
It is a big problem. And lies at the roots of why the past half century has been such an unmitigated failure for humanity and the future of Earth’s creatures - even if it was a time of the greatest party humanity experience, and all of Earth’s nature was forced to endure. Our unsustainable foolishness, self-absorption and self-serving actions, is catching up to us. . . .
With no new frontiers waiting for us to escape to. I mean, Mars, . . . really?
I’m not like that in real life. Even online I’m always trying to find the best, most correct thing to say given the situation. So I’m not really sure what I feel or believe because I’m always trying to give the right answer.
I parrot people a lot who seem right but I’m not really sure how much I know, just what other people say or know. Also what other people say or do or behave like. But me…I don’t know. I don’t have the right answer and even then everything feels like it’s wrong for some reason.
All I really know is I want friends or something like that but I don’t think it will work out because I don’t really have anything to offer. I’m not funny, I just quote to shows I think are funny, I’m not interesting nor do I really have strong stances on much. All I know is I really want friends and a partner but I keep thinking it won’t work out because of how I am but also because I’ve done bad in the past.
I’m tired of acting like I know better, because it helps me feel in control. But there is too much I don’t know or understand and I don’t know how to know because everyone thinks they’re right and I don’t know who’s lying. So I can’t tell if I’m doing or feeling something wrong because everyone is saying different things.
I don’t know what to do because I don’t know how it will work out and if things will be ok.
I also need people to tell me what I’m doing is right or ok, like I need permission for what I want or feel. I need that validation because how do I know I’m doing the right thing?
That’s the right question.
But how will I know? I feel in the wrong all the time because there is someone who doesn’t agree with me.
I much rather hang with you than someone who feels they are always right