In a recent post I mentioned that my parents didn’t spare, or abuse, the rod, or woodspoon as the case may be, (and it wasn’t such a bad thing either).
During a walk with Maddy, the comment came back and got me to thinking about what makes the difference between constructive corporal punishment and abusive punishment which results in a dysfunctional hateful human later.
Seems to me, explicit, consistent and well understood boundaries are a good start.
I knew why my ass was being paddled and inside I recognized why I had it coming.
Oh and I suppose rod strokes intended to make a point, rather than to inflict real hurt and harm, were a blessing in how I proceeded the experiences.
Receiving punishment, as opposed to being the punching bag for someone else’s anger and venting.
Seems to me, well, in my experience it provided me with lessons long remembered and in hindsight lessons that subsequently enable me to correctly (constructively) traverse life’s challenges.
Guess the other ultimately important parenting key is that we never once doubted our parents deep love and commitment to us, even when our little tribe of three had them climbing the walls and their patience with us was pretty well burned out.
All corporeal punishment is bad. No wonder children grow up and go on to be abused by others, whether sexually, physically, emotionally, psychologically, professionally ,etc. as the vice does not end once they leave their parent’s homes. They get conditioned to think it’s ok and it is part of life. A child should not be touched unless to be shown proper love. If they do something bad, there are various ways of making that clear to them without laying a finger on them. Taking away their toys, making them do extra shores, etc.
you crush their inner self each time you beat them. And that’s how things like self confidence, optimism, goodness, creativity, etc. start to be chipped and taken apart from within them.
I’d even dare theorizing that that has much bigger and worse impact on society at large than anyone could fathom.
With that, I would imagine comes also negative talk. Children tend to deify heir parents, so everything mom or dad does is good and even sublime. When such being attacks the child, that directly cracks the self image the child is trying to mold of themselves. And if that continues, that image never comes about. And if it ever does, it’s really screwed up.
My own experience of that caused me to be suicidal since my early teen years. And if it was not for the Military, the US of A and Jesus who saved me from these savages, I would not be alive today.
Most data on the subject shows a correlation between corporal punishment and negative behavioral outcomes, but correlation is not causation, and many individuals who’ve received corporal punishment have not suffered from it, so its very complex. Family environment probably plays the biggest role, then DNA.
Social attitudes about it have changed a lot. My generation - Millennials - didn’t experience much corporal punishment, it was really unusual to hear about a kid getting spanked or whatever while growing up. I knew people who would manipulate their parents by threatening to call the police and lie about being abused. Some say Millennials’ current incompetence in adulthood is at least partly the result of not being hit as children, maybe there’s some truth to that.
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Most data on the subject shows a correlation between corporal punishment and negative behavioral outcomes, but correlation is not causation, and many individuals who've received corporal punishment have not suffered from it, so its very complex. Family environment probably plays the biggest role, then DNA. Social attitudes about it have changed a lot. My generation - Millennials - didn't experience much corporal punishment, it was really unusual to hear about a kid getting spanked or whatever while growing up. I knew people who would manipulate their parents by threatening to call the police and lie about being abused. Some say Millennials' current incompetence in adulthood is at least partly the result of not being hit as children, maybe there's some truth to that.How about that Beltane I side with you on this one. I think 'InBetween' forgets that life really is tough, and if you're gonna make it you'd better be tough. Rolling up with every smack don't make it. It's like our new sexual predator awareness. Sure it's very bad, but it's also very human nature, those with power will always feast on those without it. Our public discourse on that topic won't get anywhere unless we also clearly recognize the wide spectrum we are dealing with here. Going to a party looking for fun and getting your tits or balls squeezed by an unwelcome someone is quite different from being fed a micky walked off into a private corner and getting raped.
How about that Beltane I side with you on this one. I think 'InBetween' forgets that life really is tough, and if you're gonna make it you'd better be tough. Rolling up with every smack don't make it. It's like our new sexual predator awareness. Sure it's very bad, but it's also very human nature, those with power will always feast on those without it. Our public discourse on that topic won't get anywhere unless we also clearly recognize the wide spectrum we are dealing with here. Going to a party looking for fun and getting your tits or balls squeezed by an unwelcome someone is quite different from being fed a micky walked off into a private corner and getting raped.what makes you think that I am CURRENTLY, or have been any other time throughout my adult life, "rolling up with every smack"? You seem to be as clueless as a door Knob.
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How about that Beltane I side with you on this one. I think 'InBetween' forgets that life really is tough, and if you're gonna make it you'd better be tough. Rolling up with every smack don't make it. It's like our new sexual predator awareness. Sure it's very bad, but it's also very human nature, those with power will always feast on those without it. Our public discourse on that topic won't get anywhere unless we also clearly recognize the wide spectrum we are dealing with here. Going to a party looking for fun and getting your tits or balls squeezed by an unwelcome someone is quite different from being fed a micky walked off into a private corner and getting raped.what makes you think that I am CURRENTLY, or have been any other time throughout my adult life, "rolling up with every smack"? You seem to be as clueless as a door Knob. Oh dear, I was speaking in generalities, that was in no way directed at you personally. InBetween, sorry if you took it that way, that was not my intention. I know nothing about you and claim no insights - I really do try to focus on the topic and if anything use it for a running commentary about myself. I was talking about the issue of corporal punishment and why in my situation I found it a reasonable preparation for what life tosses at us lower classes. Grateful even. Excuse me for the misunderstanding. :-)
¶I don't know if corporal punishment is best at preparing somebody for the hard knock life, most white American kids will probably never experience a really hard life. It seems effective at showing some kids that consequences exist if they mess up - at least if done right.Most data on the subject shows a correlation between corporal punishment and negative behavioral outcomes, but correlation is not causation, and many individuals who've received corporal punishment have not suffered from it, so its very complex. Family environment probably plays the biggest role, then DNA. Social attitudes about it have changed a lot. My generation - Millennials - didn't experience much corporal punishment, it was really unusual to hear about a kid getting spanked or whatever while growing up. I knew people who would manipulate their parents by threatening to call the police and lie about being abused. Some say Millennials' current incompetence in adulthood is at least partly the result of not being hit as children, maybe there's some truth to that.How about that Beltane I side with you on this one. I think 'InBetween' forgets that life really is tough, and if you're gonna make it you'd better be tough. Rolling up with every smack don't make it. It's like our new sexual predator awareness. Sure it's very bad, but it's also very human nature, those with power will always feast on those without it. Our public discourse on that topic won't get anywhere unless we also clearly recognize the wide spectrum we are dealing with here. Going to a party looking for fun and getting your tits or balls squeezed by an unwelcome someone is quite different from being fed a micky walked off into a private corner and getting raped.
§ Oh dear, I was speaking in generalities, that was in no way directed at you personally. InBetween, sorry if you took it that way, that was not my intention. I know nothing about you and claim no insights - I really do try to focus on the topic and if anything use it for a running commentary about myself. I was talking about the issue of corporal punishment and why in my situation I found it a reasonable preparation for what life tosses at us lower classes. Grateful even. Excuse me for the misunderstanding. :-)You don't think much of it because you probably have not beaten as much as I have been. And I know I, Also am luckier than many out there. It's not good in any way whatsoever. A little smack on the butt here and there is no big deal but there are limits. As far as preparation, all it did for me is make me hate them and hate people in general. It was not until Christ came into my life, that I started to come around. You can toughen a kid as you would a future West Point graduate just by REASONING with them and keeping them busy as far s sports and what not. You resort to your hand against someone the 3rd or 1/4 of your weight, that means they may have outsmarted you. And that only makes the parent look bad.
You don't think much of it because you probably have not beaten as much as I have been.Fair enough, we can only really speak from our own individual perspective. I never tasted that sort of terrorizing. We are today, the sum total of all the days that came before. Yes there are limits and balances. I'll leave this with this
It seems effective at showing some kids that consequences exist if they mess up - at least if done right.
We are today, the sum total of all the days that came before.Pretty cool, I really like that :coolsmile: .
It seems effective at showing some kids that consequences exist if they mess up - at least if done right.You can threaten to suspend their music classes for 6 months, and watch them turn into puppies and gentle doves. Try it. Or anything that they really really love. You have to also trust them, when they say something don't accuse them of "lying". Many parents are so good at that. And when time comes to reap the rewards of their 'work', they cry "victimhood".