This doesn’t really fit in any other categories on the forum, so I will place in the general discussion.
I am in introverted person, who is also very shy. I am struggling to feel how I can contribute, comfortably, to society. We all know our western culture values extroverts and all their traits and I feel like most professions that contribute to society in obvious ways (nurses, teachers, social workers) require one to have a certain finesse with people and not be shy.
Well, you all know what introversion and shyness (social anxiety) entail, so I don’t need to ramble. But if anyone here is an introvert, how do you manage and feel as if you contribute, are valued, and satisfy your need for meaningful social interaction all while respecting your nature? I have tried to insert myself into roles, such as board member for a group I belong to and I just feel awkward, lacking the qualities (to lead people, not intelligence) and I am writing the board today to let them know I need to step down.
If I were in your position, having managed to get selected for a board position in the first place (well done!!!), I would try to hang in there. Shakespeare said, “Assume a virtue if you have it not.” In other words, the only way to learn to be assertive is by doing it. I’m introverted too, and I would never have gotten myself in a position like that. Use it! Learn from it!!
And you should also realize most extroverts have complete doubt that at some point they’ll be found out to be fakes. So it’s mostly an act they’ve mastered - not dishonestly, just as part of their sticking to it. And so can you.
FinallyDecided, as introverts both, you - and I - are actually in the majority; in a recent survey 57% of the population of North America turned out to be introverts. Also, we think more, are more creative, and, if we can accept and revel in our own introversion, generally happier.
http://www.drlauriehelgoe.com/introvertpower.html
TFS
This doesn't really fit in any other categories on the forum, so I will place in the general discussion. I am in introverted person, who is also very shy. I am struggling to feel how I can contribute, comfortably, to society. We all know our western culture values extroverts and all their traits and I feel like most professions that contribute to society in obvious ways (nurses, teachers, social workers) require one to have a certain finesse with people and not be shy. Well, you all know what introversion and shyness (social anxiety) entail, so I don't need to ramble. But if anyone here is an introvert, how do you manage and feel as if you contribute, are valued, and satisfy your need for meaningful social interaction all while respecting your nature? I have tried to insert myself into roles, such as board member for a group I belong to and I just feel awkward, lacking the qualities (to lead people, not intelligence) and I am writing the board today to let them know I need to step down.I have an idea that would make you more effective in whatever you choose to do. Join a Toastmasters group. You would be surprised at how quickly stage fright leaves you. It also makes you a better conversationalist and teaches you how to influence people. You would gain confidence in a friendly, non-threatening atmosphere. Other than that you'd have to give in to your shyness instead of fighting it. You could be a research scientist, let's say--but even they have to know how to communicate. You really can't get away from it and be successful. You don't have to be an extrovert, just an effective communicator. It is possible. You will find that there are many people in the same boat who nevertheless learn how to get over their shyness and learn to communicate effectively. It would be invaluable at board metings. www.Toastmasters.org. Lois
I have a daughter who is brilliant but also somewhat introverted. Having been much more introverted at one time myself I know it can create barriers.
I remember the exact day I changed everything when I was about 16. I was sick of having no friends and over the course of the summer I decided things were going to change when I went back to school. I left the group of introverts I had been hanging out with for most of my adolescent life and decided to take some risks. Those old friends were a security blanket and a safe zone where I could hide, but safe zones hold us back sometimes. I decided to make some new friends and take some risks. I started to speak up. Sometimes people listened, sometimes they laughed, and sometimes they laughed at me. I had decided in advance that that was OK. No one every really died of embarrassment but you could die of loneliness. Over time my social skills improved and I became more outspoken. I never became a party animal or a true extrovert and have no desire to, but I was able to harness the strengths of introversion (yes there are real strengths to introversion) and still learn how to be heard and have an impact.
Its just a matter of realizing you really don’t have much to lose as you think you do. You have so much more to lose if you do nothing. Find the power to face something that scares you and do it anyway. Sometimes you will fail and fall on your face but it really is true that we learn more from our failures than we do from our successes.
I read this book a year or two ago and thought it had some helpful insights. If nothing else it will make you feel better about the importance of introverts to society and feeling better about who you are is sometimes all the confidence you need to venture out of your safe zone and make some changes.
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain]
www.Toastmasters.org LoisDamned you nailed it. What a memory mine. I participated in Toastmasters for about a half year+ as an introverted high school senior 72/73. Too young to join, but they welcomed me just the same, and I fudged my birthdate to be 18. I fancied myself the youngest member Toastmasters, albeit illegally. Call me an outlaw :) They expected me to be serious and do the work and I was and did. Very cool experiences sitting in on those old guys. Then I graduated HS and was off to other worlds. I'm positive it was helpful and in ways I'll never fully appreciate. Haven't thought of that for many years, how fun. That's why I keep looking in on you old farts. ;-)
Oh and introvert is good.
Particularly if you have interesting thoughts and adventures taking up your mind and time… 
I used to be an introvert. Still am. Just not when I’m around people. I don’t care too much what they think of me. And when there is a negative reaction, I find it funny.
Advocatus gives good advice, i.e. “fake it till you make it” but if that doesn’t work, maybe just try to accept that you’re not really extroverted.
You can easily contribute to society as an introvert.
Also, shyness and introversion are different things that don’t entail the same challenges.
www.Toastmasters.org LoisDamned you nailed it. What a memory mine. I participated in Toastmasters for about a half year+ as an introverted high school senior 72/73. Too young to join, but they welcomed me just the same, and I fudged my birthdate to be 18. I fancied myself the youngest member Toastmasters, albeit illegally. Call me an outlaw :) They expected me to be serious and do the work and I was and did. Very cool experiences sitting in on those old guys. Then I graduated HS and was off to other worlds. I'm positive it was helpful and in ways I'll never fully appreciate. Haven't thought of that for many years, how fun. That's why I keep looking in on you old farts. ;-) I don't think there is an official age requirement. Toastmasters even has groups for highschoolers now, and a few for gradeschoolers. I think it's been a great help for many people--especially if you find a congenial group you feel comfortable with I am a member of Freethinkers Toastmasters, sponsored by CFI West. We don't say a prayer (as you can imagine) and we don't have a flag salute, though many other groups do. We have members who are atheists, theists and fence sitters. We always have lively sessions and manage to learn how to speak (and laugh) in public, too. Lois
I don't think there is an official age requirement. Toastmasters even has groups for highschoolers now, and a few for gradeschoolers.Well that's cool. I could see it being a great help. That's what started me, I was awful at talking in front of class. As for age, that's how I remember it, said rules were 18. Be interesting to find out if that was a fact back them (72) or my memory. But, my projects list is over flowing. ______________________________________ Do they still scold you for saying 'thank you' after you've given your talk?
I don't think there is an official age requirement. Toastmasters even has groups for highschoolers now, and a few for gradeschoolers.Well that's cool. I could see it being a great help. That's what started me, I was awful at talking in front of class. As for age, that's how I remember it, said rules were 18. Be interesting to find out if that was a fact back them (72) or my memory. But, my projects list is over flowing. ______________________________________ Do they still scold you for saying 'thank you' after you've given your talk? It's still frowned upon. There may well have been an age requirement, and maybe there still is one for regular clubs. I just haven't heard of it. It never came up in our club. Lois
Do they still scold you for saying 'thank you' after you've given your talk?
It's still frowned upon. There may well have been an age requirement, and maybe there still is one for regular clubs. I just haven't heard of it. It never came up in our club. LoisThat's funny, I went round and round on that. Guess I just have a more 'grateful' nature than some. :lol: San Mateo it was.
The idea is that it prevents the speaker from finding better ways to end the talk. There is also no reason to thank the audience for listening. It's one of those easy habits that's hard to eliminate. LoisDo they still scold you for saying 'thank you' after you've given your talk?It's still frowned upon. There may well have been an age requirement, and maybe there still is one for regular clubs. I just haven't heard of it. It never came up in our club. LoisThat's funny, I went round and round on that. Guess I just have a more 'grateful' nature than some. :lol: San Mateo it was.
I had to look up “introvert" to see what it means. The meaning I got was that being on this website is very un-introverted. What I did find was “Atychiphobia", people that have a fear of failure. Those people live a constricted lifestyle that ends up having devastating effects on a person’s life. Being introvert may just be one of the symptoms of Atychiphobia.
Your fear of “lacking the qualities" sounds to me that you might have Atychiphobia. Answer this. How many times a day do you do a F**k Up? If the answer is very seldom. Then you may have a Fear of Failure. Dealing with people is one of the hardest tasks there is on earth. Remember if you are not making some mistakes, then you are probably not getting much accomplished. :lol:
I had to look up “introvert" to see what it means. The meaning I got was that being on this website is very un-introverted. What I did find was “Atychiphobia", people that have a fear of failure. Those people live a constricted lifestyle that ends up having devastating effects on a person’s life. Being introvert may just be one of the symptoms of Atychiphobia. Your fear of “lacking the qualities" sounds to me that you might have Atychiphobia. Answer this. How many times a day do you do a F**k Up? If the answer is very seldom. Then you may have a Fear of Failure. Dealing with people is one of the hardest tasks there is on earth. Remember if you are not making some mistakes, then you are probably not getting much accomplished. :lol:There is a big difference between being introverted and being shy. Shy people often want to be more social but lack the skills. They can be taught the skills. Truly introverted peope prefer to avoid social contact. It is common for shy people to wrongly see and describe themselves as introverted and to mistakenly avoid social contact. They can be helped to have more rewarding lives. Lois
I had to look up “introvert" to see what it means. The meaning I got was that being on this website is very un-introverted. What I did find was “Atychiphobia", people that have a fear of failure. Those people live a constricted lifestyle that ends up having devastating effects on a person’s life. Being introvert may just be one of the symptoms of Atychiphobia.I think of myself as introverted, even though I do care about the opinions of others. I'm just uncomfortable around other people. So a forum like this is perfect for me. I get to have conversations and ask questions and even give advice when if I were face to face, I would clam up and disappear into a corner someplace. Fear of failure? Yeah, that fits me too, to a certain extent. It seems to me that nothing I try ever seems to work out, so it's less painful not to try things if there's any chance of it blowing up in my face. I don't mind trying things that won't matter one way or another.
...I think of myself as introverted, even though I do care about the opinions of others. I'm just uncomfortable around other people. So a forum like this is perfect for me. I get to have conversations and ask questions and even give advice when if I were face to face, I would clam up and disappear into a corner someplace...TimB: I said in an earlier post that "I don't care too much about what other people think." I want to clarify that I meant I don't care too much about what they think about me. I find what and how people think to be quite fascinating, and sometimes I even learn something.